One of my many miracles of 2016

I cannot believe that today is the last day of 2016. This year had been good. If I thought I knew the extent of God’s love, mercy and faithfulness, 2016 taught me that I have not yet known even the beginning of His love. As a family, we cannot thank God enough for His faithfulness. The testimonies are plenty but I want to share one that has opened my eyes to the perfect timing of God.

It all started in October 2014. I was on one of my business trips so I thought to visit a doctor in the US whom I was familiar with to complain about a lack of menses. After her detailed tests, she said my ovaries had shrunk and from my hormone profile I was premenopausal (entering menopause before the right age for menopause). She said if my husband and I were interested in having another child, it will be very difficult for me to get pregnant naturally but she will give me some drugs to help. If after 3 months I did not get pregnant, she advised that we should consider more advanced fertility treatments.

I think I was more devastated to hear that I was premenopausal. When I discussed it with Mr. Rita, he brushed it off and said God has the final say. So I told him, “You are a seasoned engineer. If you make a diagnosis and give a recommendation, don’t you expect people to take your word and act on it? How much more a seasoned doctor?” He did not respond, but that was what I held on to.

At about the same period, my older daughter (3 going on 4) started talking about a baby brother. This baby brother was so real to her that she named him Kelechi. She talked about him every day that it became bothersome to me. I was working on my 2^nd novel (Morning Does Come) and every morning she would come to my study to talk about this baby brother, and even draw pictures about him. I called my mother one day and told her I was being “traumatized” by this baby brother, when the doctor had pronounced me premenopausal. My mother said next time my daughter mentioned it, instead of trying to explain why it may not happen, I should agree with her.

In March 2015 when the drugs had not worked, I went in search for an OBGYN in Pau, France where we were residing. I was told that the earliest appointment I could get was in July. I was leaving Pau in July so I could not take the appointment.

In April 2015, I had a dream. One lady visited me and gave me a word about my children. I told her “how can it be when all through my marriage I have struggled to have children?” and her response was “The Lord will do it. As a sign, He will give you a son and his name will be called Jude”. I woke up that morning thinking I would be pregnant, only to see a period a few days later. I was so disappointed and lost hope.

We got back to Nigeria in July and I quickly went to see my doctor who knew my history. When he did a scan, he said he was not seeing one ovary (from shrinking to disappearance???) and that we would have to schedule a HSG to understand what had happened to my organ. This was too scary to imagine. I told the doctor that once I return from one of my business trips, I would schedule the HSG.

I returned from my trip, and I was supposed to resume work in Nigeria immediately. On the day I went to the office in Nigeria, I was told the position was not available and hence I would have to go on a one-year leave of absence. The drop in oil price had impacted a lot of things. I was very very disappointed but I had no choice. I told myself that once I clear my desk, I would go and schedule the HSG. Maybe it was God giving me time to do the advanced fertility treatment if it called for it.

September 9, after I submitted my signed letter accepting the Leave of Absence, I went to the clinic to schedule the HSG. As part of routine practice, they performed a pregnancy test since I was 2 weeks late in my period. To my greatest surprise, it came out positive. I was in shock.

Please take a moment to pause here and feel the shock with me. 

I told the doctor he did not know what he was saying. It seemed he did not understand that I had been struggling with infertility all through my marriage so getting pregnant out of the blues was close to impossible. The doctor said since he trusts the results of the lab test, he will treat me as a pregnant woman.

That was how God gave me a surprise during my one-year leave of absence. Many people thought I planned it but did not know it came as a surprise to me. During the one year, I enjoyed my pregnancy – no work pressures at all and I had enough time for my other kids. Then when my baby was 6 months old, I was called back to office, for a similar role as I was to take before the leave of absence.

And before I forget, the baby is called Kelechi Jude, named by his sister and in fulfillment of the dream I was given in April 2015 (exactly 1 year before he was born).

Wishing you a miracle-filled 2017.

My Toddler and the Bottle of Medicine

It was a Tuesday. The day went on like any normal day. Infact, it was much better. The children had closed early from school. We had played together, done 'Mummy's Lessons' together, and talked and laughed so much. The children were in the best behaviors and I couldn't thank God enough for the joy He had given me through them. 

As usual, women have to be multitasking. 2 separate pots of beans were on the fire while we were having fun. And just when it was time to finalize the cooking of the beans, I remembered that the children's medications were in the fridge and needed to be warmer before I could administer them. So I brought them out of the fridge and kept on my section of the dining table then resumed cooking the beans. 

After some minutes, I heard the children haggling over something. 

"Give me some!" the older one said.

"No, its my own!" the toddler replied.

"Let me drink a little na!"

"No!"

I could not imagine what they were fighting over. 

I peeped through the glass in my kitchen door that overlooked the living room. Then I saw my toddler holding an empty bottle of cough syrup. I immediately ran out of the kitchen, forgetting the beans on the fire. She was coughing.

"Mummy, it's very sweet!" she told me with an innocent look as she handed to me the empty bottle of medicine.

I was finished at that point in time. I did not know where to start from. I turned to the older one to ask what exactly happened. It was obvious. I found myself scolding the 4 year old saying "next time, if you see your sister touching a bottle of medicine, take it from her and come and report to me!" How silly I sounded. 

I called Mr. Rita, told him we have an emergency and explained what had happened. No response from him, how frustrating. So I dropped the line and called Mr. Rita's father who is a doctor. I explained which medicine she drank and he gave me tips on what to do. After that, I went to attend to the beans which was almost burnt.

Very depressing and condemning thoughts began to enter my mind. I called myself names from irresponsible mother to a woman who did not deserve the precious gifts of God. I began to think of the impact of the medicine overdose, and this was only worsened when I consulted Dr. Google. 

When Mr. Rita returned from work, I immediately handed his children over to him (without greeting him) and ran into the bedroom to have a good cry.  Then I cried to God because the self-condemning thoughts were so depressing. And He comforted me. He reminded me of how happy the children were to spend the afternoon and evening with me. He reminded me of the beautiful paintings that came out of the extra time I spent teaching them how to color neatly. He reminded me that none had cried or thrown tantrums while we were together. I was not so bad after all.

So I wiped my tears away and went to join the rest of the family. Mr. Rita was as usual awesome with the children. They did not miss me. And just as I was about to set the table for their dinner, I saw that the medicine had spilled on the floor of the dining table. 

Phew! What a relief! She had not drank a full bottle of cough syrup but the whole experience was a lesson for me - Keep all medicines and anything harmful away from children!!!

And dear Mums, yes sometimes those self-condemning thoughts may come but I want to assure you that you are a great Mum, and no one could be a better mum to your kids than you.

Remain blessed.

The Sojourn

I had not seen Mr. Rita in 4 months. And he had not laid eyes on our September Gift. December 2013 I carried my children and my boxes, said goodbye to my loved ones in Nigeria, and I was off to Pau, France.
I arrived at a city where it was imperative to know how to speak French to survive. The A I had in Junior WAEC French was not sufficient in the face of reality. That was not even my challenge. Nanny! By the time I learnt that there was nothing like live-in nanny, and I had to pay 18 euros per hour for nanny, I had to calibrate myself. But God ever so good made the settling in smooth, provided me with help just right on time, and gave me the best vacation thus far.

I am grateful for the time in Pau, even though there was no chance to even post "hi" on the blog. DIY place.
I am grateful for the lives that impacted me in Pau. My dear Pau sisters, I hope you get to read this post and realize how much you mean to me. Oh how I miss "my children" who gave me joy every time we were together. Gros Bisous.
I am grateful for the opportunity to be taken out of my myopic world, to see different cultures and learn not to judge.
I am grateful for the serenity that made me reflect on what I really want out of life.
And I am grateful for the lesson I learnt - there may be a language barrier, but a smile, a hug, a tear, "woof woof", "meow", and laughter do not need translation: they are universal and understood by everyone.
And if you love someone, there are so many other ways to express it other than speaking.

Glad to be back home though.

The September Gift

My dearest people, apologies for my long hiatus between Dec 2012 and August 2013...plus my inability to respond to comments on my blog or leave comments on my fellow bloggers' blogs. Please bear with me.

 

In one of my previous posts, by faith I posted about a "September Gift" (all those posts were scheduled). Please read below (long post alert!!!) the story behind the September Gift. I hope someone is encouraged by this post.

 

I had 2 consecutive pregnancy losses between August and October 2012. In November, I had to travel for training in the US. My husband then insisted that I should do a follow up test to ensure the evacuation procedure (for the 2^ndpregnancy loss) was done properly, and to check if there was something wrong causing the recurrent pregnancy loss. Reluctantly I obeyed. I did a couple of tests and to my greatest shock, the Dr pronounced me to be diabetic and immediately put me on medication. She said that the high sugar level was the cause of the pregnancy losses, and I should tell my doctors in Nigeria not to let me get pregnant again until the sugar level was under control.

When I got back, it was not an issue of pregnancy anymore. It was sugar level matter. I was in the hospital once a week for all sorts of tests and follow up. I did some research and found out that someone who is diabetic and gets pregnant is considered high risk. The person will be taking injections throughout the pregnancy, etc. I discussed all of these with my husband. He then said we should pray about it. After one of his personal quiet times, he told me when I go back for the tests, there will be no trace of high blood sugar level.

When I went for my next appointment, the blood test results came out. The sugar level was on the lowest side that the doctors (Physician and OB/Gyn) became confused. They said they had to stop me from taking the medication, because I was on a low dose yet it had the effect of reducing my sugar level too low. However, they could not stop me abruptly. They said I should take half the medication and come back one month later for checkup.

In January, I missed my period. I did a pregnancy test and it came out negative. I then became worried that possibly the medication for sugar level given to me in Nigeria had done something to my menstrual cycle. It was very early in the year (festive season) so I could not reach any of the doctors who knew my history to complain. I was eager to see my period so that I could probably start ovulation induction, since my blood sugar was considered normal. When I did not see the period and unable to reach my doctors, I just went to see any doctor in Lagos at the clinic where they were monitoring my blood sugar level. They did a blood test and found out I was pregnant. Then I became scared because I had no pregnancy symptom. For the last 2 pregnancies, when I lost them, I had no pregnancy symptoms as well. I began to panic. The doctor I saw did not know my history so he did not know why I was worried. He just told me to take folic acid and come back in 2 weeks. One week later, my obgyn was back so I went to see him. After I complained that I had no pregnancy symptoms, and I was scared that history will repeat itself, he put me on a weekly hormonal injection. On the 2nd week of the injection, I started bleeding.

I rushed back to the clinic and they did a scan. To my dismay, the sac was empty. At 6 weeks, one would expect to see a yolk sac and a fetal pole, but this one was empty. I saw it with my eyes. At the same time, the owner of the clinic walked in because he wanted to use the scan room. He looked at the scan and said, "this is an impending miscarriage. The sac has collapsed and we have blood all over. If by next week you have not finished bleeding, come back for an evacuation!" In my file they wrote "Anembryonic something something..."

I wept. I was devastated. I could not eat after that news. I stopped taking all medications including the folic acid. My husband then said we will go ahead with the evacuation, and then go for a vacation. He made all the arrangements for the vacation.

Because I had done a procedure in October, I was not keen on another one. So I decided to go to the Dr to ask for an alternative i.e. if they had a medication I could take to end the pregnancy since it was very early. When I went to the clinic, he said he would like to do a scan to know if the medicine would work or if we must do a procedure, because it depended on the amount of “tissue”that could be left behind by using medication. Lo and behold, there was a baby with a very strong heartbeat in the scan. I could not believe my eyes and ears. The Dr was in shock. He said this can only be God. That I should say thank God.

Well, my family and I went on the vacation a few weeks later, travelling around US, when I should have been resting. When I expressed some fears, my husband said, "It is not about what I do or do not do. It is God that is watching over the child".

By my week 10, I woke up one morning and I was soaked in water. I knew I did not urinate on myself. I do not sweat normally, so it could not have been sweat in that cold weather. Then my mind went to amniotic sac had ruptured. That was the same day I was to travel from Baltimore to Atlanta. I called my sister and asked for advice. Due to weather conditions, she said I should wait till I arrive at Atlanta before seeing a doctor. That though this is an emergency situation, doctors will not be keen on preserving the life of the child since it was quite early, and so it will end up in a procedure. So I should bear and get to Atlanta that night and go to a clinic.

It was not easy. I felt that if I had known, I should not have travelled. I was far away from medical attention and I felt disappointed that God allowed me to see a baby with heartbeat, only to take the baby at week 10. My hubby prayed but I was in panic mode. Finally I settled down and prayed. I asked God for only one word. He gave me more than a word. He said, “With Me nothing is impossible. Even if the amniotic sac has ruptured, which has not happened, I can fix it. So my daughter, do not worry”. From then on, I became the one consoling my sister and my husband that everything will be alright.

I got to the clinic in Atlanta around 6pm. After all the checks, they could not find a trace of leaking liquid. The scan showed a healthy baby enjoying and not having a care in the world. I was discharged but told to treat for yeast infection.

By week 14, when all worries and fears about losing the baby should have been gone, I started bleeding. I went for a scan and my doctor said he suspects a degenerating fibroid, which he showed me. He scheduled me for a detailed scan with the radiologist. When I went for that scan two days later, not only had the bleeding stopped, the radiologist could not find any trace of a fibroid. As I look back now, it is possible that God had worked another miracle there.

The pregnancy itself afterwards was very smooth. I was so energetic and I looked forward to the birth of my baby.

My baby’s due date was 7^th of September, 2013. 3 nights before that, I was woken from sleep by a contraction. This was the same experience I had with my first baby whom I had a few hours after I was woken up by contractions. I remained awake to monitor the intervals of contractions. It was 30 minutes apart. So I rested and expected that by morning, the intervals would have reduced and I would be much closer to active labor. To my disappointment, by the time I woke up in the morning, there were no contractions. The same thing happened the next night. I had to read online and some people mentioned “painful Braxton-hicks” while some others called it “pre-labor”and that the longer the pre-labor, the shorter the active labor. On Friday night (6^th of September), the same thing happened. This time, I could not even go back to sleep. Yet the intervals of contractions were 20-30 minutes apart. On the 7^th morning, I told my sister I would like to go to the clinic – she actually saw me going through one of the contractions. So she accepted to drop me at the clinic.

As we started our journey, the contractions stopped. I told my sister to please turn back, that it was “false labor” and I did not want her to get to the hospital (45 mins drive away) only to be told that I should go home. She refused and said not all labors are the same. That she will prefer to have me see a doctor. I reluctantly listened to her.

When we got to the clinic, I was checked. The doctor said I was only 2cm dilated, I was not contracting, and my cervix was not ready for birth. However, they said they will monitor me, and also run some tests to see if I had some infections that were causing painful Braxton-hick contractions.

I was on the hospital bed with the monitoring devices (contractions and fetal heart rate) feeling very bored. My sister had left. I was lamenting that I should not have wasted hers and my time that morning. I had just sent her a text that I will talk to the doctors to let me go home soon, and I will come home to prepare lunch, when suddenly a group of medical staff rushed into the room where I was. One of them explained to me that I am being rushed to the theatre for an emergency cesarean section, because my baby’s heartbeat had dropped very low. There was no time for further discussion, I saw myself being wheeled to a theatre. I was prepared for the operation. However when they monitored my baby’s heartbeat, it had normalized, so they said they were going to induce me to have the baby via vaginal birth. I was then wheeled back to my ward.

I was induced and was being monitored. However, I was not dilating as they expected yet baby's heartbeat was fluctuating. The epidural they gave me began to wear off. I then called on the anesthesiologist to come and look into it. When she turned me to my right side for a refill, my baby’s heartbeat dropped so much that I was rushed back to the theatre. They told me they could not wait for the effect of the epidural to set in and so I had to go on full anesthesia.

I woke up, I saw a baby in my arms, who I breastfed for about 2 minutes. I recall sending out message to my husband and sister telling them I had had the baby, and I think I went back to sleep. I woke up again and I was in a recovery room. I asked for my baby but no one could tell me where my baby was. I became scared. It was almost 7 pm. My sister came to check on me. She wanted to see the baby too. The nurses said they could not bring the baby to the recovery room. I kept praying that everything was okay with my baby.

I finally saw my baby by 10pm. She was born around 1:40pm. She weighed 2.6kg. She was the smallest baby I had ever seen. But when I held her in my arms, looking down at her nose so exactly like her father’s, I could only thank God for yet another full term journey He had taken me on. It was a journey of revealing another part of Himself to me. He that promised is faithful.

Today, when I hold her in my arms, I remember that she was called “an impending miscarriage, an anembryonic sac, degenerating fibroid…” but God had the final say. She is Nwachi Grace, and I love her so.

 

Remain blessed.

On A Path To Healing

It has been a while since I came here, that I almost forgot what to do with blogger. I am currently picking myself up from the floor of spiritual emptiness and emotional pain. And I am on a path to "healing", some details I will share below.

Let me start with a story.

The work day was over so I set my laptop to hibernate. The moment I had clicked on that option, I shut the laptop and put it in my laptop bag. My colleague asked why I did that.

"Why didn't you wait for the laptop to hibernate completely before putting it in your bag?" she asked.

This was a long time habit which I had started when I was always "rushing" to meet Mr. Rita at the end of a work day. But from experience, the laptop always hibernated after I had sent the command.

"There was no need to wait," I replied, "once the command has been sent, the laptop has to respond. It has always hibernated."

As I carried my laptop and walked away, I realized that so is the word that comes from the Lord. When He speaks, He does not have to worry about whether or not it will happen as He has spoken. Once He sends it out, it always produces results. It always accomplishes what He wants to do. Not only that, it always prospers everywhere He sends it to.

Yes, whatever it is God has spoken concerning you, rest assured that it will come to pass. His word always produces results and all the time, the results exceeds our expectations. So to anyone who is still holding on to a promise of God, do not grow weary. As He has spoken so shall it be. In Jesus Name, Amen.

On the personal side, I am trying to recover emotionally from two consecutive pregnancy losses. It has been a very painful period (I did not know I would hurt emotionally so much, even after knowing how awesome my God is). Family, writing, work and personal projects were affected in different degrees. I tried to distance myself from God, because I kept asking myself why He allowed me go through such emotional pain. But understanding that God is ever-loving and ever-faithful, I cannot run from Him nor can I give room to think He does not have my best interest at heart. I know, that as always, I will still have testimonies.

So while I am trying to find myself back on the path to spiritual and emotional healing, I just list a few things I am thankful for:-

1. For life:- I know there is still hope, and I still have an opportunity to fulfill my God-given dreams.

2. For Family:- The amazing love and support of Mr. Rita all through this, and the sensitivity of my 19 month old princess, have been sources of strenght for me. 

3. For Family (again): - My mom and my sisters have been very encouraging. My mom has not failed to share encouraging words with me on a weekly basis.

4. For friends:- I have amazing prayer partners, and amazing friends who make it feel as though I am sharing the "burden" with so many people that I have nothing to carry.

5. For favor and grace:- I have seen grace and favor in different areas of my life. These are gentle reminders that God is still there even if I was still wondering. I cannot list all of these instances.

Wishing you a blessed weekend. Thanks to all of you who checked up on me. God remains faithful.

Four Years And Counting

It's been four years of being married...
...Married to the most beautiful man on earth
He is not perfect, neither am I,
But, the guy try.
When I see the way he understands and manages me, I just know it is only God that could have given me such a husband.
Then today, he gave me a card and wrote the words "Without a doubt, I truly made an excellent choice..."
As if he knew that secretly I had been fighting inferiority complex after I realized some people felt I was not "good" enough for him considering my past. His words really made my day and have destroyed the last shreds of inferiority complex.

I thank God for these four years and pray for four hundred more years with him. May God bless him abundantly. May God continue to remain the head of our home.

And the sweetest part is...

Today is his birthday. Please join me in saying happy birthday to Mr. Rita. Double wishes for him today!!!

A Treasure Taken Away

A metaphor. For the purpose of sparing my beloved readers the gory details, I have used this metaphor. If you really want the details, feel free to drop me an email at esurunma@gmail.com with your age :-)

 

My coat of many colors was my prized possession. It was all I had. I could flaunt it and I could boast about it. I treasured it. What was unique about it was that all the patches of materials that made up this coat were joined together with one thread from the beginning to the end of the pieces that were put together. The end of the thread was somewhere on my neck which I tied in a beautiful bow tie. I wore this coat everyday.

There was someone who for many years had been interested in this coat of mine. I did not waste time to let him know how precious it was to me. But one day, as I was strolling home, he told me he had a message for my sister which he left at his place. He asked that I join him to pick it up. Unsuspectingly, I followed him. It was when I got to his place that I saw the sinister look on his face. With just one rough tug at my bow tie, not only did my coat come apart, all the pieces loosened, leaving me naked and ashamed. He gave me N80 (equivalent to 40cents) and told me to get a new dress. But nothing compared to my coat of many colors.

As I walked about in my birthday suit, it took many years to let go of the pain and shame, and to forgive. Until I came to God, I was living in bitterness. But then my loving Father assured me that He will send me someone who will mend the clothes and protectively cover me. God, who keeps His promises, did as He said.

There are many females walking the streets today who have been victims of rape. I do not want to go into statistics because in certain societies, this is not reported or taken seriously legally. Whether she was a virgin or not, as long as what a woman valued was taken forcefully from her, she is left with a scar. Some are so hurt they promise never to come near men – they are scarred for life. Some may even become lesbians. Some decide to sweep it under the carpet and move on with life probably under the deception that it is a rite of passage. Some are full of revenge and decide to take it out on every other man – they close their heart but open their legs, forgetting that they hurt themselves only. Some get married but cannot understand why they do not derive pleasure from being with their husbands. You will be amazed to know how few are the prostitutes who have not been raped. As for age range, let’s not go there.

This post is specific to 2 sets of people.

One set are those women who are still living with the scars of the rape. It might be emotional, physical or mental. It might be an unforgiveness you are carrying in your heart because of the consequences. Your Loving Father wants your body to be indeed His temple. He wants to cleanse you of this hurt and pain. If you have swept it under your carpet and moved on with your life, lift up your carpet. Your Loving Father wants to heal you completely. Go to Him and open your heart to Him today.

The second set are those men who are living with the guilt of what they had done in the past. Your Loving Father has forgiven you even before you asked. You need to forgive yourself. You may have been pondering on how “close” she was to you and how “grave” what you did is, but do not let the enemy rob you of the joy associated with the grace and forgiveness of God.

 

Let me stop here, this post is making me sober. Have a blessed week y'all...

Speaking of Reserves

Drained of My Reserve

It’s been I while I did blog rounds or responded to comments on my blog – and it might be so for a while. As I carried myself into the house that 11pm, exhausted and drained of my reserve, I slumped on the bed and asked God “why?”. I followed up with murmurings and complaining about how hectic and demanding my job had been. But before I drifted off to sleep, I recalled that only 2 weeks ago I was on bended knees committing my work into His hands. I prayed for opened doors, opportunities, and for moments to bring out the workaholic in me. I realized that He had answered my prayers, yet I was complaining. I pondered on how much this job has been a blessing to me. Then I flashed back to six yrs ago when I prayed for this job and He gave it to me on a platter of gold.

 

Most of the things I have complained about were once categorized as blessings to me. They were once prayer requests. Sometimes we go to God in prayer, and forget that we must be prepared for what we are requesting for.

Now I have quit complaining and I am thanking God for the strength He has given me to face the demanding times, for the wisdom He has given me to overcome challenges, for the creativity He has put in me to add value to the system, and more importantly for answering my prayers.

**********************************

How far can we go on reserve?

For those who live at the Lekki/Ajah axis of Lagos and have to shuttle to and from that area everyday will understand the apprehension of the driver when he said, “my fuel is on reserve, can it take us to VI?” I had a knowing deep down that we will get to VI with enough fuel to take him to the filling station the company uses. He asked me why I was so sure, and I shared an experience with him which I am sharing with you today.

My mother and I left the wedding ceremony and started our journey back home which was 25km away. We were halfway on our journey when she noticed the fuel was on reserve. I asked her if it was a problem. She said no. She assured me that since we did not have traffic jams, it would be a smooth ride home and she can always fill up her tank.

About 10km towards home, we approached a traffic jam. This was unusual. I could not understand why it had to happen on the day the fuel was on reserve. There was a very bad, marshy spot that was getting most cars stuck hence the traffic jam. People waited for their turns to find a safe place to pass through. Our car was a Mercedes Benz 200 (1982 model) and before the car should quit, it should give 3 warnings on the “R” sign. We had already seen the first one as we left the wedding. While waiting for our turn, we saw the 2nd warning. We could only be hopeful.

After about 20 minutes, we were able to move. Then we saw the 3rd and final warning on the dashboard. We knew we had to move fast otherwise, we would be stuck in that unknown place. But as we moved, we fell into the bad, marshy spot and there we were struggling to get out until the fuel finally finished. There was no help from anywhere because around us were frustrated, angry people all trying to get to their destinations. Stuck in the mud, I told my mother that there was nothing we could do except pray. In my mind I hope a motorcycle would pass by and we could ask the rider to bring us some fuel. Or some good Samaritan would come and help us push the car or give us fuel. I thought of all the options through which God would come through for us, but none of them worked out.

 

When the road had cleared and as dusk began to draw nigh, my mother attempted to start the car. As she did so, the car started as if there was nothing wrong with it. The car moved out of the bad marshy spot as if it was plain ground. We thought the car would jerk to a corner, but no - the car took us straight home. You cannot imagine the joy and excitement my mother and I shared as the car moved with ease. We could not thank God enough.

When I told the driver that the car could take us, I did not respond because I had a knowledge of how cars work. My response was based on a knowledge of what God can do. When it seems we cannot go on, when it seems we have exhausted all our options, or when it seems we have reached a dead end, that is when we see His manifestation - right on time. He works in such a way that you cannot dispute who is at work. He does it His own way – His ways are perfect. Those miracles and testimonies that God gives us, when we think on them, they are to act as faith boosters, especially in times when we doubt if He is really with us or what He can do.

And prayer works!

The One Behind The Scenes

The interview lasted less than 10 minutes. It all started well with information about me, my undergraduate project, and why I wanted to be part of the program. When it got to the question “when did you finish your NYSC?” I was quiet. I was not expecting it and I had no proof to back up the lie that almost escaped my lips. “I am still on it,” I muttered in fear.

“You have not finished your military service?” the French man in the panel asked.

“I have only 3 months to go and most of it is during the festive period,” I tried to defend myself.

Their body language told me a lot. Some shook their head. Some kept a stern face. The greatest disappointment came when I looked at my Prof. He looked powerless. No one was on my side.

I was dismissed and soon after I left the interview hall to begin my journey back to Delta State where I was undergoing my NYSC. Though I was greatly disappointed, I tried to look at the brighter side. If I missed this opportunity to be a pioneer student of this Master’s Program, I could join my mates in walking from company to company, dropping my CV and hopefully be called for an aptitude test that would lead to a job. I tried to be a bit optimistic though I worried about the money, time and effort I had put into being accepted for this program.

To avoid further pain, I removed my mind from the program and made the most of my last few days in Otu-Jeremi, Ughelli South, Delta State. I remained passionate about my anti-female circumcision campaign, organizing quiz competitions between schools and enjoying the company of my wonderful roommates and Otu-Jeremi students. One day as we were strolling to get our meals, my trium (which had my contacts so I often carried it out with me in the event we stumble upon the landline that could call “outside”) beeped. I had just received a text from my sister which read, “You have one week to confirm your acceptance at the Institute otherwise your position will be given to someone on the waitlist”. I looked at the date of the text. It was sent 5 days earlier. That meant I had 2 days left to confirm my acceptance. That to me remains a miracle because there was no GSM service in Otu-Jeremi at that time.

It was years later I learnt that the panel had to sit a couple of times to debate whether or not I would be taken. I also learnt that because they agreed to accept me, it gave room for others who were also rounding up NYSC to be part of the program. This concession only existed in my own time. I cannot count the blessings that have resulted in my life just because I attended that program that time.

Today as I reflect on the goodness of God, I realize that God is always working behind the scenes on our behalf. He is the one who makes a way where there seems to be no way. He is the one who has the heart of kings in His hands, and He turns it wherever He pleases.

He can open doors for you which no man can shut. For your sake He can make man-made rules to be bent. For your sake He can do a new thing. Just because of you, He can inspire one to create new drugs or treatment procedures for your healing. For your sake, He can take you to a place you never imagined could bring you restoration. For your sake He can turn what was once your shame and fear to a blessing. And He who surrounds you with favour as a shield, can make His favour so shine upon you that even others will be blessed and will benefit from His favour upon you.

Beloved, you do not need to defend your situation neither do you have to worry about how God will realize His promise to you. His plans for you are only good and He is working everything together for your good, working behind the scenes on your behalf. He is the one that will fight for you. Be still and trust in Him.

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God Let Me Show You How To Fulfill Your Promise

When I had the dream that implied Mr. Rita will be my husband, I could not wait to see that dream come to pass. I did not ask the Giver of the dream to show me how it will be or how I could prepare for the promise ahead. When 6 months into the relationship Mr. Rita he had not said anything, I decided to show God how to fulfill His promise by introducing sex into the relationship.

Many ladies feel that sex is the way to a get a man. If you want a damn good man, passionate about God, I tell you, sex is not the way. It will only make him see you as cheap, and with time you will become “see finish”. You lose the essence of courtship and your judgment will be clouded.

What is now a source of bonding in our marriage was the same thing that made us grow apart in our relationship. He was not happy that all his "efforts" to be a godly man had suddenly shattered. He was no longer growing spiritually. Each time after we had been together, we both felt guilty. I felt frustrated that after giving myself to him, he was not discussing anything about marriage. Infact, he began to have more females flocking around him who seemed they could help him in his situation. All our efforts to stop was not working – maybe for a day or two, and we were back to square one. In such a situation, you will feel so guilty to even pray or go to church. We have many Christians today, including those holding positions in church, who are sinking deep in sin and cannot do anything about it.

Lots of things happened that led us to get help from our Pastor. Restoring sexual purity is not something you do by your power and might – you need the grace of God and you need someone you can be accountable to. I remember her words, “God is more interested in your soul than your service”. She wanted me to understand the price Jesus Christ had paid for my salvation, and not take the grace of God for granted. She told me to stay away from Mr. Rita if I was serious about regaining sexual purity. I disobeyed and did not tell Mr. Rita. When she found out, she sent for him and told him not to ever communicate with me again – no texts, phone calls, emails, flash, visit, etc. Being a man who was serious about his salvation, from the church office he called me and told me the news and said goodbye. And that was it. No more Mr. Rita.

I cried. I was heart-broken and everything around me suffered. I doubted God. I resisted being a Christian for a while. Then I stumbled upon the scripture, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame…” [Hebrews 12:2]. As I meditated on it, I realized that Jesus Christ endured betrayal, brutality, pain, and shame just for me. What then was fixing my eyes on Him and learning how to close my legs before marriage compared to what He went through on the cross (even if it was only me on earth, He would still have gone to the cross)? Then I began my journey of getting to know Him (February 2007 – 1 yr plus after the dream).

Six months of not seeing Mr. Rita and focusing on God, His word, and Church, helped me to grow as a Christian and help in shaping me into who I am today. When finally I saw Mr. Rita, and he had not married someone else, we started courting. This time doing it the right way. I learnt how to have fun with a man without involving sex. It is beautiful. I developed the best relationship ever with the opposite sex. I saw the innate beauty and handsomeness in this child of God whom I call my king. Six months later, Mr. Rita had indicated interest in spending the rest of his life with me. If a man is able to keep himself sexually pure during courtship, endure waiting for the evolution of a woman, that man will be easy to trust and will think twice before defiling his bed.

When I reflect, I laugh. 2 years went by because I wanted to show God how to fulfill His promise. When God has promised something, it will come to pass. But He does not need our “help”. Trying to help God only leads to disappointments, delays, pain, and sometimes, losing the dream. God is self-sufficient – He is God all by Himself and does not need our “help” to realize what He has promised. He needs us to simply obey His instructions and follow His leading. If you are at a point where you are waiting and it seems nothing is happening, ask Him what you should do and be ready to obey.

And the greatest shocker for me was when Mr. Rita told me that the sex was not his reason for marrying me. He said sex can be got from any woman and anywhere. He was looking for more and if he did not find what he wanted in a wife in me, he would not have married me. My unmarried sisters, please take note. Don’t give yourself for free.

Don’t try to show God how to fulfill His promise for you. He that promised is able and faithful.