When I had the dream that implied Mr. Rita will be my husband, I could not wait to see that dream come to pass. I did not ask the Giver of the dream to show me how it will be or how I could prepare for the promise ahead. When 6 months into the relationship Mr. Rita he had not said anything, I decided to show God how to fulfill His promise by introducing sex into the relationship.
Many ladies feel that sex is the way to a get a man. If you want a damn good man, passionate about God, I tell you, sex is not the way. It will only make him see you as cheap, and with time you will become “see finish”. You lose the essence of courtship and your judgment will be clouded.
What is now a source of bonding in our marriage was the same thing that made us grow apart in our relationship. He was not happy that all his "efforts" to be a godly man had suddenly shattered. He was no longer growing spiritually. Each time after we had been together, we both felt guilty. I felt frustrated that after giving myself to him, he was not discussing anything about marriage. Infact, he began to have more females flocking around him who seemed they could help him in his situation. All our efforts to stop was not working – maybe for a day or two, and we were back to square one. In such a situation, you will feel so guilty to even pray or go to church. We have many Christians today, including those holding positions in church, who are sinking deep in sin and cannot do anything about it.
Lots of things happened that led us to get help from our Pastor. Restoring sexual purity is not something you do by your power and might – you need the grace of God and you need someone you can be accountable to. I remember her words, “God is more interested in your soul than your service”. She wanted me to understand the price Jesus Christ had paid for my salvation, and not take the grace of God for granted. She told me to stay away from Mr. Rita if I was serious about regaining sexual purity. I disobeyed and did not tell Mr. Rita. When she found out, she sent for him and told him not to ever communicate with me again – no texts, phone calls, emails, flash, visit, etc. Being a man who was serious about his salvation, from the church office he called me and told me the news and said goodbye. And that was it. No more Mr. Rita.
I cried. I was heart-broken and everything around me suffered. I doubted God. I resisted being a Christian for a while. Then I stumbled upon the scripture, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame…” [Hebrews 12:2]. As I meditated on it, I realized that Jesus Christ endured betrayal, brutality, pain, and shame just for me. What then was fixing my eyes on Him and learning how to close my legs before marriage compared to what He went through on the cross (even if it was only me on earth, He would still have gone to the cross)? Then I began my journey of getting to know Him (February 2007 – 1 yr plus after the dream).
Six months of not seeing Mr. Rita and focusing on God, His word, and Church, helped me to grow as a Christian and help in shaping me into who I am today. When finally I saw Mr. Rita, and he had not married someone else, we started courting. This time doing it the right way. I learnt how to have fun with a man without involving sex. It is beautiful. I developed the best relationship ever with the opposite sex. I saw the innate beauty and handsomeness in this child of God whom I call my king. Six months later, Mr. Rita had indicated interest in spending the rest of his life with me. If a man is able to keep himself sexually pure during courtship, endure waiting for the evolution of a woman, that man will be easy to trust and will think twice before defiling his bed.
When I reflect, I laugh. 2 years went by because I wanted to show God how to fulfill His promise. When God has promised something, it will come to pass. But He does not need our “help”. Trying to help God only leads to disappointments, delays, pain, and sometimes, losing the dream. God is self-sufficient – He is God all by Himself and does not need our “help” to realize what He has promised. He needs us to simply obey His instructions and follow His leading. If you are at a point where you are waiting and it seems nothing is happening, ask Him what you should do and be ready to obey.
And the greatest shocker for me was when Mr. Rita told me that the sex was not his reason for marrying me. He said sex can be got from any woman and anywhere. He was looking for more and if he did not find what he wanted in a wife in me, he would not have married me. My unmarried sisters, please take note. Don’t give yourself for free.
Don’t try to show God how to fulfill His promise for you. He that promised is able and faithful.