20 Years In Memorial

God is amazing!!!

I cannot believe it has been 20 years since Daddy was taken from us in a very brutal and gory way.

Then, when it happened, I thought our lives were over. Looking back I now understand what it means to truly rely on God daily for provision, for sustenance, for direction, in fact, for everything.

Then, I understood what it was like to cry and feel your heart broken in pieces, literarily. I never believed that someday we could move on without the heaviness associated with the pains of losing a loved one.

To be honest, I still cry sometimes when I think about him. I cried during my MSc graduation because I would have loved him to be there. I cried during my wedding because I would have loved him to be physically present. Last year I remember crying while driving as I thought about how he was separated from us. Sometimes I get sober when I am having a great time with my husband, and I realize that my mother is all alone without the company of a lover and best friend.

 

 

This post is just to say "Thank You Lord!" In these 20 years You have proven, times without number, that You are the Father of the Fatherless and the Husband to the widow. You know how to turn mourning into dancing. Your promises of never leaving us nor forsaking us remain tested and true. Thank You.

Finally, I thank You for the "September Gift".  You that promised is faithful.


You can read about how he was separated from us here.

In Gratitude

One Day, In 2002

I sat across him in the large, well-furnished office. In my mind, I went over my points. Times were hard. I needed a job. 1 year after Uni and NYSC had been postponed again. I had done IT with his organization. My grade in school was not bad. I knew he could help out for the time being. We had communicated through emails. Now I had the opportunity to express myself.

"Sweet little Rita," he started, "I have seen your emails. I cannot give you a job with us - it is beyond my power. But I can give you something better. Something to solve all your problems. Let me take care of you. I will buy you a house and put N1m in your account. Then you will take care of me and have a child for me."

I was not disgusted neither did I feel insulted. His offer sounded like the perfect plan for me. A house and N1million? Do you know what that meant to a young graduate who had seen only N100K (scholarship money) as the maximum in her account? I reasoned within myself. I could start a business with the N1m and generate more income for myself. I would live in a house, me and my child, and destroy this married man's marriage. Hopefully he will leave his wife for me. All the clothes, shoes, perfumes and hairstyles I had dreamt of will become a reality.

I did not know God then, so I could not refuse "for the sake of God". It's just that I had this dream, when I was 4 years old, of me and my young handsome husband (changed to young handsome Ibo husband when I was 13), and our 4 children, living in a very big house. My husband was very rich and he loved me very much. Was I going to give up this dream for an old man with N1m?

After the battle, which seemed like forever in the space of 5 minutes, I replied, "Dear Sir, I cannot accept. Maybe I am a fool but I will prefer a job of N5000. If you are not in the position to help me, then I might have to think of doing something else for myself. Thank you very much for everything you've done for me."

One Day, 2009

I looked at the promotion letter. I looked at the salary. I could not believe the digits. But I knew God. I knew He is more than capable. I knew this amazing increase could only come from Him.

Today, 2010

I thank God for His faithfulness. I thank God that even when I did not know Him, He still loved me and directed me. I thank Him for giving me the ability to wait on Him and 7 years later I have a testimony. I thank Him for waiting for me to come to Him. I thank Him for the dream, which comes to pass as each day unfolds. Thank You, My Loving Father. You, who promised, are Faithful.

Inspired by the scripture in today's devotional on "From The Heart of a Loving Father" which speaks of God waiting for us to come to Him.

Dear Jesus, I think I have a slight idea of what happened here: Next the devil took him to the peak of a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. “I will give it all to you,” he said, “if you will kneel down and worship me.” [Matthew 4:8-9]

Ode To My Father

If I was the most moral of ladies
I would have said that was why You blessed me with a wonderful husband;
If I had not missed work purposely
I would have said that was why You gave me the promotion;
If I had not partied the night before exams
I would have said that is why You blessed me with good grades;
If I had woken up early
I would have said that is why You kept a parking space just for me;
If I had passed my driving test
I would have said that is why You preserved me and my car in Lagos road;
If I had a white-colored past
I would have said that is why You allow people listen to me;
If I have never missed a day of prayer and bible study
I would have said that is why You surround me with favour;

I can go on and on about ways that I have fallen short
Even of my own expectations
Yet, never for one day did You turn your back on me
You have been there – faithful, loving and true;

It suddenly hit me, so profound yet true
That You have loved me even before I had thought of loving You
And it is not by my works, my morality, what I did or did not do
But simply You love me and Your Grace has been there for me;

I thought I was the only one You loved that much
But when I looked around me, I realized You are consistent
Your love is there for everyone
No wonder you make the sun and moon shine on the righteous and the unrighteous;

Thank you for Your unconditional love
I have tried to reciprocate, but can anything compare to Your Love?
All I can try to do is obey You
Which has not been easy in this my walk with You;

I just want to say Thank You
For Your Love
That extends to each and every one of us
And is always there for us inspite of ourselves.

I tried to count my blessings…and I could not keep count. They were just too many. Thank You, My Loving Father.

These are the songs in my heart
I Pour My Love On You
Unrestrained

Your Daughter Whom You Love,
Rita

Jehovah-Suddenly

Dear Father, I pray for the person reading this post. He/She may have seen Your face as Jehovah-Hope. He/She may be trusting you for something. I pray that You, Jehovah-Suddenly visits him/her. Suddenly, things will happen in favor of this person. Suddenly, You will give him/her reason to testify that his/her joy will be full. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Dear Father,
All my loved ones have unique names I give to them. You are no exception. I started this year calling You Jehovah-Hope (The God that gives hope). Yes You give hope. How else can I explain things like the woman ditched twice a day before her wedding still trusting in You for a husband, or the man who applies for jobs for the umpteenth time despite several rejections, or the lady with countless miscarriages still believing in you though the doctors say it is futile? And you came through for them. I personally have beheld Your miracles as “Jehovah-Hope”. I felt I was going to spend this year calling You Jehovah-Hope, not knowing You have a different facet You wanted to show me.

I just want to say Thank You. In a short space of time, you have sprung so many surprises at me. You have reassured me of Your love despite my doubts and negative confessions. You have opened doors I never knew existed. You have made me stand before kings. You have filled my heart and mouth with testimonies. A post is not enough to describe the contents of the table of blessings you prepared for me out of the blue.

Suddenly, You did a new thing. Now I have seen another part of You I was not used to – the fact that You can do a new thing: customized for me, something that never existed before, even in my mind. Now I call you Jehovah-Suddenly (The God that does a new thing suddenly). You are faithful to Your Word.

Once again I say, Dear Father, I pray for the person reading this post. He/She may have seen Your face as Jehovah-Hope. He/She may be trusting you for something. I pray that You, Jehovah-Suddenly visits him/her. Suddenly, things will happen in favor of this person. Suddenly, You will give him/her reason to testify that his/her joy will be full. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Something on Testimonies

For some time, I thought it was vain to talk about those good things God has done for me. I also felt I was living in past glory when I kept thinking about His love, mercy and faithfulness from time past. In recent times, I have begun to appreciate more the things He has done for me. The testimonies are endless. Just when I was thinking that I would have to stop dwelling on and sharing testimonies, I stumbled upon this:

Blessed are they that keep Your testimonies and seek You with their whole heart [2].
I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies, as much as in all riches [14].
Remove from me reproach and contempt, for I have kept Your testimonies [22].
Your testimonies also are my delight and my counselors [24].
I have held fast unto Your testimonies; O LORD, put me not to shame [31].
Incline my heart unto Your testimonies, and not to covetousness [36].
I will speak of Your testimonies also before kings, and will not be ashamed [46].
I thought on my ways, and turned my feet unto Your testimonies [59].
Quicken me according to Your lovingkindness; so shall I keep the testimony of Your mouth [88].
I have more understanding than all my teachers, for Your testimonies are my meditation [99].
Your testimonies have I taken as a heritage forever, for they are the rejoicing of my heart [111].
I am Your servant; give me understanding, that I may know Your testimonies [125].
Your testimonies are wonderful; therefore does my soul keep them [129].
Your testimonies that You have commanded are righteous and very faithful [138].
The righteousness of Your testimonies is everlasting; give me understanding, and I shall live [144].
Concerning Your testimonies, I have known of old that You have founded them forever [152].
I may have persecutors and enemies*, yet do I not depart from Your testimonies [157].
My soul hath kept Your testimonies, and I love them exceedingly [167].
I have kept Your precepts and Your testimonies, for all my ways are before You [168].

All lines here are taken from Psalm 119, 21st Century King James Version of the Bible. The verses are the numbers at the end of each line. The line with asterisk (*) was rephrased.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things [Philippians 4:8].

The Walks

Walk 1

That walk that night
Towards the ditch of destruction
I carried the heaviness of heartbreak
And the burdens of physical pain
Which time could not abate;

I wondered what was the point to life
If heartbreak comes by being nice
And physical pains from doing nothing wrong;
I cared nothing of life and so much less of You
I felt the only relief to pain
Was greater pain that would lead to death
But lest it be called suicide
It had to be like I slipped into the ditch;

Just before I took the step
That would cause a fall and lead to my end
The light of a car shone from nowhere
'Cos eyes were fixed on me, I had to walk away;

I could have sworn I heard You say something like
“My Child, I’m not yet done with you!”


Walk 2

That walk called my life
Headed for eternal destruction
Though I knew where I was going
There was nothing I could do;
But from nowhere, Your light shone
Through Your Word and Your Love;
I could have sworn I heard You say something like
“My child, the cure to pain is My Love
And there are so many great things
You are yet to achieve!”

*******************************************************

Today, I felt like jamming a police van. The driver did one very wrong driving and came in front of me. I had to hold myself because I have had enough car-jamming for my lifetime…

My Heart

My Heart
Has tasted of Your Love,
Of Your Mercy and Goodness,
Even if I can only recall few moments;

Those broken pieces of My Heart
Then scattered 3600 kilometers apart
You found every bit of it
And with Your Deft Touch, made it one piece;

My once hard, diamond heart
Changed its state by Your Fire –
A Consuming Love that softened every region
Making it malleable for Your Transformation;

Your Caress on My Heart
Roused a harmonious rhythm,
Your Touch on My Heart
Brought about complete healing;

My Heart
Has tasted of Your Love,
Of Your Grace and Faithfulness
And this My Heart knows fully well:

Now I can Love like You.


Simple Truth:
We cannot change a leopard’s spots,
But God can change its heart.
- Rebecca Barlow Jordan, Daily in Your Image, page 283.

Dream to Reality

It was 08-08-08. Like always, you called me the nickname unique to you alone. I was thrilled with joy, for what follows was usually a birthday gift.

I cherished those gifts not because of the worth but because of the thoughts and love behind them. Like the "OK" pant and socks (I can't forget the ones that were torn from day one, LOL) and the drinks that made everyone think you favoured me above everyone else. I never remembered to say thank you, yet again.

You told me to close my eyes while you lead me to my birthday gift. As always, I trusted you. My excitement kept rising. And then you said, "Open your eyes!"

I opened my eyes to be awakened from a dream. Looking at me with great love was the great, wonderful man we used to joke about.

Though it's been many years (I've almost lost count), I really miss your thoughtfulness on that day. Maybe I haven't got used to your absence. Your departure did one great thing for me - it made me realize I should never depend on any man but solely on God.

Yeah! God is the Father who has never left me nor forsaken me. He has never disappointed me. He has never broken my heart. With Him, every other thing falls into place. On 08-08-08, I took out time to reflect on how faithful He is, how awesome He is, how good He is, and how gracious He is. I realized it has been years of grace and goodness.

I thank God that He is not a dream.

My Job: 10 Great Things I’m grateful to God for

1. He gave it to me on time
Just when we had almost lost hope… wondering where we will get provision for the project that had been dragging, He gave me the job. Though I thanked Him then, today I am still grateful for the job. Last night, my sister asked me why I made the decision to accept the job. I just laughed and brushed the talk aside. There are very few times I have felt so strong about something, like I actually heard Him say “This is it”, and this was one of those times.

2. He has always given me good managers
All managers I have worked with were good to me. These are people that would fight for me even when I am sleeping. These have been people that are concerned about what concerns me. Even when it seemed that the managers were difficult, He taught me how to understand them and see them through His eyes. These are people that I have learnt great principles from, which have helped me in my career.

3. He has given me good health all through
When I think of some stressful times at work, I thank God that I did not break down. I don’t know how He did it.

4. I have never been made to feel inferior because of my gender
Infact, I have been made to feel real special because of my gender. Never for once have I heard or perceived, “she cannot do this because she is female”.

5. I have always got promotions when due and with great commendations
The statement explains itself.

6. My salary has always been increasing
One will wonder why I should talk about this. With inflation, salary should increase, not so? There are several situations where this would not be the case. For instance, one can switch to a lower paying job. I am indeed grateful to God for this steady, geometric increase in my pay.

7. He has shown me opportunities to be creative
I could surely not get bored on the job… not when He shows me daily challenges and opportunities to be creative. They have been so much that I now show others these opportunities and challenges.

8. He has given me very good colleagues
Though work is supposed to be professional, it is amazing that this job has given me friends and colleagues that behave like family.

9. He has given me understanding to learn so much within the period I have been in the organization
I look back at what I knew when I joined the organization, when I was trying to find my feet and blend within the organization. All I had was the degree and the ability to learn. Today, I cannot quantify what is in me concerning all facets of the organization.

10. He has given me wisdom to lead and manage people
It has been some years of learning from the Master – how to lead and manage people. Everyday, there is something new to learn. Three profound things I have learnt are 1) Manage yourself first 2) A leader needs humility 3) Chastise in love. All the answers on how to be a great leader and manager you can find from His Word. Jesus is the perfect example.
I have made mistakes and stumbled, but He has picked me up and showed me the lessons learnt.

What a wonderful journey it has been walking with Him at work!

Heavenly Father, today, I say a very big “Thank You” for my job, for I know this is your will for me in Christ Jesus. Just want you to know I truly enjoy this gift you gave me.