Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Infant Steps: When Is My Marriage Blessed?

Beloved EROLyrics Readers,

Thank God for the first quarter of this great year. Covenant grace and peace be to you in the name of Jesus our Lord and Savior, who reigns forevermore.

Today’s question on the Infant Steps Series comes from a lady who needs to understand something about marriage. She wants to know if her marriage will not be blessed because she did not have a church wedding. Please read her question below and if you have scriptures to back your opinion, it will be most welcome. Thank you.

Dear Rita,

I am a Christian. I recently got engaged, and have started making plans for the wedding. My family is so happy for me and very excited. They have been very supportive this period. 

The traditional wedding is going to be a grand event. Considering the costs, time and effort involved, I and my fiance have agreed that we will have a court wedding and a small reception as our wedding. Then later on we can have a marriage blessing.

When I discussed this with my family, they did not accept this plan. I was told that the church wedding is the most important part and should not be left out. I was told that without the church wedding, my marriage will not be blessed.

I am a bit confused about this. I have so many whys and hows. Should we go bankrupt because of a wedding? Will my marriage not be blessed until I go to church? Please I need your thoughts on this.


If you have any questions you would like to discuss on the Infant Steps Series, please drop me an email at or leave the question as a comment in any of my blog posts.

If you want to view past questions and answers on the Infant Steps Series, please check the list on the sidebar right of the blog.

All posts on the Infant Steps Series will be posted on Tuesdays, 9 AM West Africa Time (unless there are exceptions).


Writefreak said...

Dear Rhoda,

Please don't go bankrupt because of your wedding! It's not God's plan for you to be broke after you get married. The bible says godliness with contentment is great gain!

Also if you check all the weddings in the bible, from the old testament to the new testament, there was no mention of a church wedding. The most important thing in for wedding is your parents' consent and your agreement. In the old testament, they got married traditionally, they didnt go to the temples to get married.

The only wedding i remember in the new testament when Jesus turned water into wine, it was a festivity, no mention was made of it being a church or otherwise wedding.

The bible also says all authority is given by God, if you get married in a court, the court is authorised to join you, so i don't see it as not fulfilling scriptures. No scripture commands you to get married in a church.

Pls try and explain your perspective to your family members and pray about it.

A lot of people insist on hcurch weddings not because of the blessing even but because of the glamorous appearance.

I believe the Lord will lead you to do what is right for both of you.

jhazmyn said...

I don't believe its about the church wedding...even pple who cant have church weddings because of pregnancy...still have blessed in most cases the pastor prays for them.

If you cant afford both...there's no sin in that and it doesn't mean your marriage wont be blessed

Dee! said...

Marriage is a union between two "consenting" adults. Where and how these adults choose to celebrate the wedding ceremony should be determined by the adults involved. However, as third parties, parents are expected to 'permit', 'consent' and 'bless' the choice of spouse made by the daughter or son.

Parents should learn to appreciate the fact that "the two shall become one".

What makes a church wedding? Is it the presence of a Priest, Rev. Father, Pastor, Bishop or Vicar? If yes, then get the Priest or Pastor as the case maybe to come to the traditional wedding to give his blessings!

An elaborate wedding ceremony or church wedding does not make a mariage!

My advice to Rhoda - Pray like you've never prayed and see God play His mighty Hand! Be rest assured that the Holy Spirit will talk through you when you talk with your Parents.

Jaycee said...

Dear Rhoda,

Please don't close all your bank accounts because of a wedding ceremony that will only last a day. If there's a pastor to bless you guys with a prayer for your marriage, it is okay and God will surely bless your marriage. People get too caught up in Religion and get into financial debt before they even start their marriage. Remember, a wedding is for a day but a marriage is a lifetime. After everyone has come to celebrate with you they will leave you and your husband to walk in the future alone.

It is not the CHURCH (as a building) that is important, it is God Himself being present in your relationship.

Although, I understand that the church wedding is sooo beautiful (from experience), still it does not mean you have to go bankrupt. How about spending the little money you have to do a "small church wedding" as opposed to a court? It doesn't have to be large.

Harry-Rami Itie said...

They have taken the words outta my mouth... Do what you have to my dear... God is with you

sosexy said...

Better to plan your wedding within your means and be comfortable later than start married life worried about your immediate finances.You and the hubby don't need the stress.Nice blog.
First time here.

Myne Whitman said...

I think Writefreak and the others have said it all. All the best to the bride-to-be.

Fabulo-la said...

Congratulations to the bride to be.
I think what is most important is the blessing by a man of God.
How about your pastor meet you in court and pray for you after?

Just a thought.

aloted said...

hi Rhoda, i agree with my wise fellow bloggers.
above all..pray about it.
all the best!

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bArOquE said...

well, i think you know the answer, but the question is if you are ready to do what it takes...if your parents insist on a ceremony, then they should pay for it

Ps: this is exactly what parents do to break up their children's marriages, even before is starts


2cute4u said...

Just plan what you can afford ,what would make you happy now and later and congrats on your wedding.

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David C Brown said...

probably every time I see a question about marriage i mention that the Scriptures speak about marriage "in the Lord"; that is what matters. Do what you do for His glory and you will be blessed.

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Kafo said...

i think Writefreak and Jaycee have covered it all

blessing is from God
so go to court and be blessed at church by your pastor and call it a day

church wedding and all that expense is just celebration

i know of a couple who spent over 20,000 US dollars on a wedding celebration and 2 years later they were divorce

so please don't start ur wedding in debt just because of tradition

Anonymous said...

Dear Rhoda,

The bible doesn't say anything about church weddings being the major requirement for a blessed marriage. Rather it mentions the payment of the dowry, which is done at the engagement ceremony. (so you're on track)

In my church, the Redeemed Christian Church of God when a couple is not financially buoyant for the big wedding ceremony, after the engagement and registry ceremonies, they come to the church for thanksgiving and the pastors bless them.

I would advise that you speak to your Pastors on the doctrine of your church in relation to your situation. If it is the same as my church's, try to get the ministers to help convince your parents to see reason.

All the best dear.

braids said...

I'm very late in commenting as this is now November as opposed to March when this question was asked, nevertheless I would still like to comment....

Your marriage is blessed when it is built upon the solid foundation of Christ. Not on a cover-up for a child conceiived out of wedlock, as a means to wealth, pressure from friends and family because your approaching a certain age whereby everyone expects you to be married etc etc.

I agree with all of the comments above, I could'nt have said it better myself. I like that someone pointed out that all authority is God-given so even if you were to get married in court, they still have authority from God to join you. It is still a legalised wedding in the sght of God.

However in what may seem like a twist of words here, if a couple are in the christian faith rather than do a court wedding, why not do a small church ceremony consisting of just the couple, the pastor and a handful of witnesse's? Its not for religious reasons instead as christians, God's purpose for marriage is to reflect the relationship between Christ and His Bride, i.e the church and who better to remind you of this than a fellow member of the church such as your pastor.
But then again as a few commentor's have already suggested, the pastor can also be present at the court wedding.

braids said...

Can I also add to my comment that it doesn't necessarily have to be in a church building, if a couple likes, they can have the ceremony in their liviing room but with a pastor or fellow christian officiating the ceremony.