Beloved EROLyrics Readers,
Welcome to a new and blessed month. Covenant grace and peace be to you in the name of Jesus our Lord and Savior, who reigns forevermore.
Today’s question on the Infant Steps Series comes from a lady who needs your candid advice as to what to do now with her relationship with her fiance. Please read her question below to get the details. I trust you will also share encouraging word where applicable. It is long but worth reading. Thank you.
I grew up in a Christian home and considered myself a born-again. I got into a relationship April 09 here in the states. The guy introduced me to a great church around his neighbourhood and through that church I was convicted by the Holy Spirit of my sins.
I lost my virginity 3yrs ago (now I'm 29yrs) because I was waiting for Mr. Right and was well grounded in God and focused on my studies and career. But I went back to celibacy. I was celibate for almost a yr and half before I met this current guy. Before we started we talked about our past relationship just to let everything out in the open and start on a clean slate. He told me about his relationships (even the ones in Nigeria since he's been here just 2yrs) and also his American ex girlfriend which he told me all ties were broken.
One day he approached me sexually and I was so unwilling and told him that I do not want to engage myself in such behaviour because it separates me from approaching God, it made me lose confidence to do my type of job and its only through the power of the Holy spirit that I can stand/talk with boldness. He assured me that he really want to be serious with me. I was so naïve and so gave in on the next pressure saying to myself that he would be my future husband.
After 3 to 4 months into our relationship calls were coming into his phone which he never picks up when I’m around. One evening I picked up his call in his presence and gave it to him innocently. Seeing how reluctant he was I became afraid later realized it was his America Ex. I was completely mad. He assured me that all was over between them though I saw some deceit in his eyes and his discomfort. Three months went by, our bond got stronger.
Then one morning, I decided to pay him a surprise visit (after I left his place 2 nights before). To my surprise I caught his Ex naked on his bed! I was very hurt and disappointed. I tried to leave but he fought me so very hard until his Ex was ready to leave. I was sympathizing with her because I saw the brokenness in her eyes. I felt so betrayed and wondered how a man I attend church with, pray every other night with and preparing for the future with could do such a thing to me. I thought he wanted a serious committed relationship that would lead to marriage. I cried when I get out of bed and cried to sleep. I finally accepted that this is the punishment from God for my disobedience/sins.
Every evening when he gets off work he would stay downstairs and bang on my door for hours (most night it was snowing & freezing outside.) After about 2wks I let him up because I was ashamed of what my neighbours would think of me and mostly because I had pity on him and still love him. From then on, I gradually opened my heart back to him and FORGAVE him. Forgiveness I believe that God's hands was involved because He took all the bitterness & angry thoughts I cook up every day in my heart and re-instated love. I showed him pepper but stopped the instant I was convicted in my heart, which also changed the way I talk to him.
We later prayed intensely and we agreed that we can never sleep with each other again (but we failed). The following month, (i.e. one month after the incident) he proposed and I rejected because I felt it was too early to jump into marriage with him after the incident. I needed to go back to the Lord and seek His face. After another 2 weeks to a month of pressure from him, I accepted after soliciting the advice of my siblings/few others (although one of my sisters was strongly against him) and prayers (of which I'm not sure I prayed enough) however NOW WE ARE ENGAGED!
Most times I wonder if he proposed because of what happened or the fear of losing me or the shame he would bear if his family asked him what happened between us. I wonder if God can transform him. I wonder if he is being completely honest with me. I'm seeking God's face through serious fasting NOW. Fasting has enabled me to see how I have allowed my flesh to reign. The Holy Spirit is dealing with me with love and pruning. Now I know that God mercy is truly GREAT!!
Since we've been engaged we have had two episodes of drama and argument surrounding the incident. The recent incident he asked if I was fed up with him and I answered YES. Deep in my heart I still love him and am asking God to please take away this love if He does not want me to be with this guy. I do not want to live an eternity in tears and heartache nor do I want to walk away from him if God has destined us to be together.
I need so much help and advice,
If you have any questions you would like to discuss on the Infant Steps Series, please drop me an email at email@example.com or leave the question as a comment in any of my blog posts.
If you want to view past questions and answers on the Infant Steps Series, please check the list on the sidebar right of the blog.
All posts on the Infant Steps Series will be posted on Tuesdays, 9 AM West Africa Time. I had to put this up before Tuesday because the question went unattended for quite a while.