When a Christian is going through a challenging time, it is often assumed that “He offended God” or “He is not spiritual enough”. Truth is, whether godly or ungodly, there are challenges but the difference is how the situation is handled.
I want to share with you my experience during a very low period of my life. Pardon me if I use a lot of metaphors and personification.
Even when I was not a Christian, I had never felt like this before. Something had come over me. It was the spirit of depression (I did not know then). He walked stealthily into my life and I made the mistake by giving him full access to my heart. I was sad, unhappy, frustrated and angry every day. I cried every day. My laughter was feigned. I no longer cared about eating or looking good. Of course, I was not reading my bible, praying or going to Church.
For the first time in my life, I was angry with God and renounced the faith. Funny enough at that time I heard the words in my spirit, “Do you know Me and what I can do? What makes you think I cannot give you that thing that you desire above Me?” I ignored the voice.
Everything in my life became meaningless. All I had gained became worthless. All I hoped to achieve seemed irrelevant. The spirit of depression was my comforter. He told me things like, “really everything in life is meaningless if you do not have this one thing you want so badly” and “if you really are a child of God, you should not be having such a challenge” and “consider the kind of life you lived before giving your life to Christ, what makes you think you deserve to be blessed? Are you different from others?”
“What should I do?” I asked.
“Take your life. You cannot bear the guilt, shame and ridicules. There is really no hope.”
The thought seemed appealing at that time. I was in a very dark place in my heart and in my life, and I just wanted a way out. I sent a text to my mother telling her my plans and how I will miss her. Then she called me. She did not have pity on me. She said, “Who are you to take your life? Did you give it to yourself? Do you know that you are very selfish by thinking only about yourself? Why don’t you think about why you are here and what you should be doing for others? Don’t you know this is the time to draw near to God?”
It was then I heard a voice in my spirit telling me, “You have invited the spirit of depression (first time of hearing the word). It has no place in you. You have to send it out. But there can’t be a vacuum in you. You need the Holy Spirit in you to help you send out the spirit and let Him help you bear His fruit.”
I reluctantly started a 1-hr prayer of worship every day. Creflo Dollar’s study notes helped me to learn more about the unconditional, unfailing love of God and how to overcome fear. Podcasts from Joseph Prince Ministries helped me understand who I am in Christ and what it means to be loved by God. Joining the children’s church helped me remove focus from myself and show love to others. Attending church helped me to pray in the spirit and make declarations concerning my life. My countenance became one full of joy. I had favour and made more friends as a result.
Believe it or not, about 30 days after this, I got a breakthrough in my life after waiting for years. That is why I can boldly say that prayer changes things. If I had taken my life then, I do not think I will be alive to say, with boldness, that there is God and He is Almighty. He is love and faithful to His word.
I am sharing this post specifically to someone going through a very low period of his/her life, who feels he/she is at the point where life seems meaningless. Maybe you have got to that point where suicide seems to be the only way out. I want to tell you today that God loves you so much and does not want you to cut short your life. Your miracle is too close for you to give up now. There is hope for you here on earth. Please say the prayer below. If you want me to pray with you and talk to you, please send your number/email to my email address (email@example.com). I will reach you wherever you are and whatever time is convenient for you. If you know someone going through such a time and needs help, please share this post with them or give me his/her contact details.
Heavenly Father, thank You for Your unfailing love towards me. I am sorry for thinking I own my life and should do with it as I please. With the authority in me as Your child, I rebuke that spirit of depression in the name of Jesus. I receive Your peace and joy today. I submit myself to Your will. Give me strength for each day. May I experience an added sense of Your presence in my life. May Your Spirit work in me to bear fruit to Your glory. In Jesus Name, Amen.
The post for Infant Step Series will be scheduled for Wednesday, 9AM West Africa Time.