Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Infant Steps: Being Unequally Yoked

Beloved EROLyrics Readers,

Hope your week has started out great. Covenant grace and peace be to you in the name of Jesus our Lord and Savior, who reigns forevermore.

Today’s question on the Infant Steps Series is centered around the passage on being unequally yoked “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness…” [2 Corinthians 6:14]. As a Christian, will you date someone who is not a Christian or eventually marry the person? Please read Jeremy's question below and provide him encouraging yet truthful answers. Thank you.

Dear Rita,

I have known this lady all my life. We grew up together in the same compound. She is kind, loving and the only woman that excites me. I have fought enough fights with her and we understand ourselves. She is my best friend. We were separated for a few years when she went abroad for her university education. During that time, I did not date anyone else. I also became a born again Christian and have been for over 3 years.

After her education, she returned to Nigeria and the sparks continued. When I mentioned her to my parents, they made a comment about since she is not a Christian, not even a born-again Christian, that I should consider a sister. Not long after my parents said it, I overheard some people talking about being unequally yoked.

Tell me, is it wrong that I am in love with someone who is not a Christian? I know she is a good girl but she did not grow up in a Christian home and I do not want to pressurize her into accepting my God. I believe that with time, as we are man and wife, I will be able to rub off on her and she could give her life to Christ. What really is the implication of being unequally yoked in marriage?


If you have any questions you would like to discuss on the Infant Steps Series, please drop me an email at esurunma@gmail.com or leave the question as a comment in any of my blog posts.

If you want to view past questions and answers on the Infant Steps Series, please check the list on the sidebar right of the blog.

All posts on the Infant Steps Series will be posted on Tuesdays, 9 AM West Africa Time.


akaBagucci said...

I would think it is one of those clear injunctions in scripture - an 'un-equal yoke' is a no-no.. It's a difficult thing to stomach though, but I think the whole I-can-influence-her-for-good angle is an attempt to rationalize things..

Maybe with time you can assess your ability to influence her outside the marriage. From what I have seen though, the reverse often happens - nothing helps in resolving conflicts in a partnership than being able to call on the same worldview...

tobenna said...

Concur with Bagucci.
It is clearly written in the Bible.
It is also a common reaction to plan to influence someone after marriage. Truth is that it rarely ever works.
Marriage re-affirms what you are to a deeper level. Fundamental change is possible but difficult.
Try changing her before marriage.
You have to let her know your God or you will have MAJOR differences.

Scarlet said...

What u see know is what you should expect to get once you say i do. Expecting that you will rub off on her after marriage is a dangerous way of thinking...what if doesn't work that way??? like akaB said its usually the opposite that happens. SO either you start influencing her know or u seriously think about whether are not u want to marry someone who does not share the belief and faith.

Good Naija Girl said...

I think he should be straightforward with her, tell her that he loves her but he also loves God, and it is God's command that believers should not be yoked to unbelievers.

This may encourage conversation, and give him an opportunity to tell her more about his faith and she may come to believe in God (after all she hasn't been exposed to Christianity like he has). This process might take some time so he would have to be patient. Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with him asking her if she can see herself coming to be a believer, and if she says no, he should try to find love elsewhere.

It's not easy at all, but in my opinion common religious views are an important factor when considering a life partner.

Kafo said...

@ Jeremy:
I will be able to rub off on her and she could give her life to Christ. What really is the implication of being unequally yoked in marriage

THAT IS A DREAM what if it never becomes a reality are you ready for that.
Are u prepared to be married to a person who doesn't pray or go to church. Or who doesn't think your child should be dedicated in church.

It is one thing for her to be from a different denomination it is another thing for her to not have a relationship with Christ

Read 1 Cor. chapter 7 all of it.

Also visit this blog
last month we wrote about 6 articles in relation to this issue that might prove helpful. Even tho most of the articles are written from a denominational standpoint you can still apply them to your situation


David C Brown said...

Through the thick and thin of marriage my wife and I know that we have this in common, that as trusting in the Lord we can turn to Him together. Commend the young lady to the Lord what Him to work with her; trust to Him for guidance, but follow the guidance of the Scriptures and do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

Gee said...

hmmmm i like this topic well well!

Ok Jeremy, it is not wrong that u are in love with her, especially the fact that u had loved her even b4 u bcame born again.

But now that you are, trust me, you dont want to go against that doctrine that you should not be yoked with unbelievers. The only time that it is allowed is if both of you are unbelievers when you get married and then sometime in the marrige u become born again....Then the bible says in that case you stay in the marriage and ur ways should be able to bring her to christ.

But this is clearly not the case, you are already born again, dont think of marrying and expecting her to change, if you are not in a hurry to marry her, then bring her to christ and wait till she is steadfast in him and fully believes in Christ---den u can marry her

But if u are thinking of marrying soon, and she is still not a believer, the sad truth is that u do stay away, cuz the bible means every word, and there is reason y that is written so...i would advice u not to consider marrige with her---just only bcuz it is written!

kudos to u becoming saved..i am actually joyed when i hear such great news, hopefully God grants u strength, grace and wisdom in this time of you life

HYAW said...

i have never really under stood the 'unequally yoked' verse anyway. why does it say 'do not be un-equally yoked, instead of 'do not be equally yoked. un-equal sounds like 'do not even talk to them...' anyway, i think every change you want to make in a person spiritually should be done before marriage, cuz marriage is till death do you part

David C Brown said...

HYAW - I think the reference is back to the old testament scripture, "Thou shalt not plough with an ox and an ass together." A yoke is a bond; and I think it is well not to have a bond with an unbeliever, even in any association. It doesn't stop you talking!

Writefreak said...

The bible is explicit on this matter, it says 'do not be unequally yoked.."..God's word is not something we can tweak to match our situation.
No man has the power to change anyone and you can't marry someone hoping to then convert them, the bible says God has given every man a will, what if they don't want the salvation you have to offer?
When you don't share the faith with your spouse, it has so many disadvantages. And lemme leave you with something said some years back that stuck with me. It might sound harsh but he said if you're a believer you're a child of God and an unbeliever does not have God as his or her father so marrying an unbeliever makes the devil your father in law...oops, that sounds harsh but it's true. If you marry an unbeliever, you give the devil permission into your home, afterall he says 'can two walk together except they agree'?
I hope you make the right decision.