Saturday, September 27, 2008

Timekeepers

My dear people, I was away for a while for reasons beyond my control. I was working hard :-). Thank God for the public holidays. It was very timely.

I really missed reading your blogs. My sincere appreciation goes to all those who checked up on me. Thanks for your love. You all are wonderful.
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I had something I wanted to post but I have to deviate and save the post for later. Let me tell you why.

I went to visit a friend and I stumbled on an article. You know that section in magazines where they put comments from the readers? Ok...In one of the reader’s comments, this lady was talking about how someone saw her and her son and said, “this boy has come of age. Won’t you get a younger sister for him?” The woman became SAD and wept the whole night. It had taken her 5 years to have this child and due to infertility problems she could not have another. The comment from the friend (or foe?) reminded her of her pains and inability.

This may have been a remark said for the sake of conversation, maybe humorously, but it had a negative impact. I have been a culprit of these kind of not-intended-to-harm comments but I guess I never knew how bad the impact could be. I have learnt now. I’d rather say “God bless you” if I have no positive words to say.

I’d liken this friend to people I call timekeepers. These ones say, “You’ve finished school over 4 years now. When are we going to chop your first month’s salary?” Not knowing that Mr. Man is struggling with rejection from many interviewers. Or, “You are over 25 years old. When are we coming to chop your wedding rice?” Putting Mademoiselle under undue pressure. What of “You’ve been working for 5 years and you have not built house or bought tear rubber?” without considering that Mr. Man is training all his younger ones in school. Let me not go through all the examples. Timekeepers just sit down and tell you what time is right by their standards. It is more painful when the timekeepers are your loved ones.


Whose standards should you follow? Who made time? Let the timekeepers keep timing until they are tired. It may just be that their comment is something you are believing God for. Rest assured that it will surely come to pass. You must not forget this one thing: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day. The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise towards you, as some people think [2 Peter 3:8-9a].

Remain blessed.
Please join me to welcome a great lady to Blogville. Fanwest is a lady whose words helped shape my life and who always loved me as a friend inspite of myself. Fanwest, welcome oh!

46 comments:

Chari said...

hmmn...I feel you on this...I have one thing to say though... unconsciously we all are guilty of being timekeeper and it is none other than societal pressures that force us think that at certain ages we are expected to achieve certain things without giving thoughts to the difficulties that accompany them

Chari said...

I was first by the way

fantasy queen said...

i used to get depressed by this timekeepers.
i realised most of them who were 'waiting' didnt have it as good as i did even as they expected more from me.

i've realised some humans are not trained in human relationships, they're more suited in conversations with animals. so i ignore them and smile through their enquiries.

grab as much rest as you can this break. we deserve it.

Temite said...

I was busy composing my acceptance speech and this stupid blogger business pushed me to number 4. Urgghhh. Frustrated.
Sis Rita - I just wanted to thank you for your incredible wisdom and kindness in this world. I learn so much from visiting your blog and from the lovely and thoughtful comments you drop in my mansion. I am so grateful to have met you in this giant blog world. Please keep up the great work.
Back to the post - The difference between timekeepers and actual mean people is their intent. And in Law, at least the American one (maybe naija too, but I dont know, shebi you are a lawyer???)crimes are classified based on the presence of intent. You get like 15 years for manslaughter and life or death penalty for first degree murder, and the only difference is intent. So like I dont really know. I hope you can make some sense of this.
XOXO

Abbie said...

I'm sorry the woman crying because she couldn't have another child needs to be rejoicing for the one she already has. It's because of this kind of ungratefulness and short term memory God doesn't bless us as much as he would like to.
Why do we need to get all bent out of shape over other people's expectations. I'd recognize it has exactly what it is and brush it off.
Sorry jare for my blunt comment, I'm one of those people who tends to be very narrow minded when it comes to what other people think of me. Never give a razt hiney lol

Omosewa said...

I've come to understand that Gods timing is different from mans.

Some of those comments cut deep, sha.

Take it easy:)

Buttercup said...

I totally relate to this post...i shud hav finished uni in '06 but that ddnt happen, i started pretty late, so much time got wasted..them timekeepers, knowin fully well when i started, keep askin, 'so, when r u finishin?' or 'arent u supposed to be done by now?' n what not, its cos of their busy body selves that my dad dsnt want me home till im done(i really hope i can go this xmas tho *fingers crossed*)..instead of the agbayas to focus on their lives, they r busy poke nosin..its really upsettin!

Thanx for sharin this jere..

Believer said...

Thank you for this, I am making a decision to use God's timetable for my life instead of others. Forgive me Lord when I have hurt people by being an insensitive timekeeper. Rita, you are blessed but even more than that you are a blessing.

simeone said...

when i get this type of questions it just pushes me to pray more..i cant hold their mouths so when the say stuff that cuts..i just go to God with that "anger", putting the situation before Him again..one thing we should never do is live life by the standard and judgement of a mere human being that can die the next minute...even we, think we know whats best for us but no its not so...i hope i made sense..?

Fanwest said...

Thanks a lot for sharing this post. Unconciously we all do this.

Its better to put the person in prayers if we are so concerned.

However, at the receiving end just pray about it and smile at those comments, giving a rib-cracking reply when you can

Femi B said...

Timekeepers...I love the way you put it.Gods time is the best. Tell that woman she should not cry...there are many motherless babies that need mothers and homes.She should thank God for the one she has and as you said God bless the time keepers cos we all do it.
My inspirational sister...i dey oh.

Fanwest said...

Thanks a lot for your welcome words. I am greatly touched and can't count the positive impact you've had on my life too. Lots of luv

Jewells said...

Hmmmm, I think I am being a timekeeper over my own life. Wondering when things are going to happen. Forgetting that it all happens in His time. There is a time and season for everything.

Thanks for this reminder.

Mz. Dee said...

I think timekeepers affected my life in a very very negative way since January.

But i've held up one way or another and with God's guidance managed to pull thru.

So now wen one of those runnin mouths hv a timekeepin statement to make, i simply tell them God's time is the best.

Nuthin do me!

Vera Ezimora said...

Y is Chari first on everybody's blog? Chari respect urself o!!


Rita, you've hit the nail on the head. You never know what is going on with someone, so it will be incredibly unfair to question them on their movement - or lack of it.

Funny thing, the time keepers often are often people that are not doing all that well. They're usually people that need to put you down to make their selves feel better. Empty vessels.

Red Sapphire said...

Hey rit, how are u doing...i am so sorry i hadn't commented earlier.
Recently i had fallout with my brother over the issue of the timekeeper.I have been given a deadline as regards when i would get married.for days i was so painfully distressed.No be small thing.You are so true about the tymekeepers stuff.they should stop putting peeps under undue pressure.

rethots said...

Hmmm, when we set our goals (or circumstances) we should not let no one help us to achieve it or make us feel 'un'achieved.

rethots said...

...short of which, what makes the friend believe she'd be more fulfilled if she has a younger sister for her son?

Rita said...

@Chari said: Yeah, you’re right. There are these societal pressures we can’t ignore…and when we see “our mates” achieving certain things, we begin our own personal timekeeping...

@Fantasy Queen: You just opened my eyes to the fact that timekeepers don’t have it that so good themselves…so I think timekeeping is a way of diverting their pressures 

@Temite: Not only have you lifted my spirit with your words, you taught me to appreciate people and not keep the words in my heart. Thank you.

I think I know what you mean by intent though I’m not a lawyer. Most timekeepers do not have the intention of hurting, really. But sometimes harm is done. Well…what can I say?


@Abbie: I don’t think you’re narrow-minded. I think you have a broad view to things. What I have learnt from your comment is that in the face of timekeepers, we should reply with something positive like “I’m still thanking God for the one I have…”

Thanks for your insightful comment.

@Omosewa: As a follow up to your comment, God’s timing is perfect and I agree with you that timekeepers comments cut deep.

Thanks oh.

@Buttercup: One thing I told a friend who was in a similar situation was “5 years down the line, when you have started working and earning a huge salary, who cares when you finished?”

I hope you can go home this xmas…it’s really nobody’s business when you started or when you finish. What matters is you are finishing well…

@Believer: Thank you so much. I’m joining you to use God’s timetable for my life for I know His timing can never be wrong…

Rita said...

@Simeone: You surely made sense. I think you’ve been putting pressure on God (LOL). Actually, how much and how hard can one pray? God hears our prayers the moment we confess it even in our hearts.

Human beings really should not dictate what we should have and when to have them. It only makes us fall out of our purpose in life.

@Fanwest: Very wise advice about praying for the person if we are so concerned… for those who lack a sense of humour, where will the rib-cracking reply come from?!?

@Femi B: I think the lady focused on what she did not have that was why she was crying…You sound like a very good comforter/consoler…

@Jewells: You’re welcome. It’s difficult not to be a personal timekeeper…but may God help us all to trust Him without fear…

@Mz. Dee: Eh ya…sorry oh! Thank God for the resilience to hold up despite the words of timekeepers. I see you’ve developed tough-skin. That’s the way to go…

@Vera Ezimora: You’ve just exposed the truth about timekeeper with your words… “They're usually people that need to put you down to make their selves feel better...” If only we knew this fact, we’d be able to brush aside their comments…

@Red Sapphire: Except a person is completely nonchalant about his/her situation, I feel the person is already going through enough pressure thinking about their circumstance and don’t need any extra person to rub it in.

Am fine dear…thanks for ur love.

@Rethots: Your words are so true and well said.
Considering your question, I really wonder if the friend thinks the lady would be more fulfilled with the extra child. What if that younger sister comes and has a health defect? Won’t they say “It would have been better if we had only one child?”

Kin'shar said...

Timing is everything...I can relate!

aloted said...

men i am so late! i have also been busy!!! how u dey

hmm timekeepers...

I always reply with "He makes all things beautiful in HIS time".

I refused to be pressured by the timekeepers...

naijalines said...

I'm with Vera on this. "Timekeepers"...love that word by the way. 'Perfect fit for those who keep time for everyone but themselves.

There's a yoruba proverb:

A ki wo ago alago sise.
- We shouldn't work by someone else's time.

zara (my alter ego) said...

i totally agree with u on this. people telling u now ur sis is married what about u? not knowing keeping a bf is even hard for u.. or they see u on naija and they start asking wen ure finishing wen u found it hard getting into school in the first place and then u had to change and then ur mates have even finished masters...so annoying.. one of the reasons i dont like visiting aunties and uncles.. they say it the most!! thanx for highlighting this.

theicequeen said...

i feel you on this one babes! people yannin when they really do not know what is up with you. We have all been guilty of it at some point, we hurt people with our generalizations and assuptions. The good thing though, is when we realize this and consciously try to correct it. great post! ooh, and that bible verse..my sista na true o! we are in no position to hurry God and tell him when and how we want Him to do things for us. He'll do it in his own time and it'll be better than we could ever plan it to be.

ooh, and i have new blog, lol..a bit different from the Random one...the url is www.theapexrelationship.blogspot.com it's a bit of your field, thus your blessing will mean a lot :-)...

poeticallytinted said...

The worst part is when people who should know better become time keepers... eg like 'his' siblings asking... "When are you guys tying the knot?"
My Dad before I got the new car 'Have you changed cars yet?'
My mum: 'Is your new house bigger than the old one?'...
There some places I escape to where social pressure and the tolling bells of timekeepers are silenced for a while. One of such places is blogville.

tobenna said...

I hear you on this one Rita.
Gulp. I think I'm, like that.
Have to work on that.

Off to check up on Fanwest!

Kafo said...

timekeepers
i couldn't have said it any better

Tairebabs said...

Honestly you have said it all. I have an aunty that is a total time keeper o. I know she probably doesn't mean any harm but I hate it when she reminds me about marriage...I mean I never old reach that stage now! See me see trouble o. The other day she told me that they were praying in church for single girls looking for husband and she came and stood in my place. Na wa o.

Rita said...

@Kin'shar: Simply put but profound…

@Aloted: I’m fine, thank you. You’ve been busy enjoying driving :-)

No one can beat his timing so your reply is fantastic…

@Naijalines: LOL @ ur definition. The wise ones have said it all…

@Zara (my alter ego): Isnt it so painful when it is ur relatives? Though they do not really mean any harm…

@Theicequeen: Me I have been very guilty but now am aware, I’m more cautious especially in choice of words…

I like the new blog, really look forward to your posts. Aloted did not give me chance to bless it…

@Poeticallytinted: Wow… u must have been under some pressure those times…Isnt blogville such a blessing?

@Tobenna: I’m with you…also it’s not what we say but how we say it :-)

@Kafo: Thank you…now I feel like I made some sense

@Tairebabs: ROTFL @ your aunt. If I was a spectator I would have thought she was looking for a husband…

Stani said...

Well, what would life be these days without the 'timekeepers'? These days, I see them as just a minor nuisance that I have to live with. When they come with their talk, nowadays, I pretend to listen and then just ignore them.

Don said...

Timekeepers just sit down and tell you what time is right by their standards. It is more painful when the timekeepers are your loved ones.

Very well-said, and definitely a problem that I had with an very close aunt of mines.

I tell her all the time that being quiet and timid does not teach a person anything, it just makes us overly passive.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

I love the way you put it: timekeepers. I think sensitivity is something most people are yet to learn...

gbengasile said...

Timekeepers . . . if only they use the time they spend keeping tabs on others on stuff that would improve their lives, their cases would have been less pathetic. I believe the only way toi survive the scourge of these timekeeping scumbags would be to simply ignore them and their bells and trust in God for whatever our heart's desire is.

Aijay said...

Firstly, I love ur blog Rita. I wonder y I've never come across it.

U r right, whats painful is when the timekeepers are ur loved ones cos u expect a bit of sensitivity from them.

Debbie said...

Thanks Rita for touch base with me.
I love this one.
God should be the only one to keep tabs on us, we are not made timekeepers but our brother's keepers, if we can be more involved with the later than the former. Well said.

I am well dear.

miz-cynic said...

...wen they accost me i always reply ...."falana so ti e...tara eni laa koo gbe"....this mesns that "busybody...mind ur own defects first....its the one on one's bodi one suppose remedy first."

gbengasile said...

Re: Dagger fight.
No gurl, you don't want to be witness of that fight. (was it even a fight? It was a molestation if i should say). U'd probably have screamed as soon as u saw the policeman brandish the dagger and he might've gotten angry and turned on u. lol. Kidding. Been a while. glad u checked in. Cleo says hi.

Nice guy said...

Timekeepin sucks but it is a part life...starting from birth,a baby is supposed to talk at a certain age, walk at a certain age, and these expectation transcend onwards

OluwaDee said...

A lot of times we make commments, not knowing they do more harm than good.

FFF said...

timekeepers irritate d shit out of me. i remember wen i was still single & searching, i got so many pple wondering 'what was keeping me?' dat a couple of times i actually lost my cool wit dem. i mean, woz all dat nonsense? who send dem message? if problem dey, na 4 ur body? abeg joo. anyways, am generally a very i-don't-care person & don't get close enof 2 pple 2 have dem nose into my affairs. God knows i can be nasty if provoked.


"Ruffin' It" is launched. If u haven't been there, follow my link ...

Believer said...

Hi Rita, how are you doing? Just showing some love...

Sola Folowosele said...

nice blog.. huge population..Rita continue to keep it real

doll said...

Wow this is pretty deep, but like u said most timekeepers don’t mean any harm maybe that helps to make the pill a lil lesss bitter to swallow, but the most important thing is for everyone to knw that God is their time keeper and also for people to be more sensitive towards others feeling

Rita said...

@Stani: I like your outlook towards timekeepers. This is something I have to learn…

@Don: Yeah, sometimes their comments don’t help. It only worsens our attitudes...

@NigerianDramaQueen: Do you know that sensitivity is something I am still trying to learn? I need it so bad…

@Gbengasile: Totally agree with you…simply trust in God…
And ooooo, my hi’s and hugs to Cleo…u made my day with ur comment

@Aijay: Thanks a lot dearie…

@Debbie: Hmmmm…”we are not made timekeepers but our brother’s keepers…” this has really blessed me. Thanks.

@Miz-cynic: lol@ “wen they ACCOST me”…u know how to answer them perfectly…

@Nice guy: Hmmm…this is a different point of view…so it is indeed part of life? Then no need to complain…

@OluwaDee: Now I’ve learnt to be a bit more careful with my words...

@FFF: I hope they are quiet now…. Just checked out “Ruffin’ It” and would leave my comment…

@Believer: My dear, am fine oh. Thanks for the love…

@Sola Folowosele: Thanks for the encouragement.

@Doll: You said it so right with “…for everyone to know that God is their time keeper…” How are u doing?

Anonymous said...

time keepers
hate em
except they really care.