The Bully

Growing up as an extremely skinny, smallish and sometimes sickly looking child, was not an easy inferiority complex to deal with. Whenever anyone referred to the “broomstick”, “stockfish” and in advanced times “AIDS patient”, I knew who they were referring to. Some said such at my back. The ones that said it to my face did it often during exchange of words. But there was one special girl. Let us call her “Estella”. She was bigger than our mates. She was a tomboy. She could beat up boys. Her mouth was very sharp. Everyone feared her – how much more me.

My mother tried to help with my self-esteem. She called me “small but mighty” (knowing we could not deny the “small” part). It was from her mouth I first heard the word “charisma”. She said declared that I had charisma, and that anyone who gets to know me will like me.

When Estella had finished with those close to her size, I became her prey. She was impossible to deal with. She called me names. She shoved and pushed me. If I said any word back at her, she would hit me real hard. For me there was no point attempting to hit her back because I was no match for her. I had seen what she had done with others. I did not need to go home blue-black before I knew what she was capable of.

As I lay down one day on my bed, afraid of going to school the next day, I wondered how I could get back at Estella. Just before I drifted off to sleep, I remembered that I was “small but mighty”. I most likely had something she did not have. I was going to let her know about that the next day.

As usual, the next morning as I arrived, I was about to enter my class when Estella shoved me to a corner. “Stockfish,” she started, “I am going to break you this morning and have you for my snacks”.

I faced her boldly and said, “One day you will get tired of calling me stockfish. I am very intelligent, and that is something you do not have. Continue beating me. It is your mother who will beat you every time you fail because instead of reading your books, you spend time fighting people. And that is why nothing ever enters your head”. (Her mother was a teacher in school, and I can bet her poor grades were serious matter at home).

That did the trick, because that was the last time she touched me, insulted me or any other person in that school. By the time we got to secondary school, we had become friends.

In life, there is one I liken to “the bully”. He is none other than the devil. He is out to steal, kill and destroy. His schemes are centered on making you Doubt - question God’s Word and his goodness; making you feel Discouraged - if you look at your problems rather than at God; Deceives you that wrong things seem attractive so that you will want them more than the right things; makes you feel Defeated so that you will feel like a failure even before you try; make you Delay things, knowing that procrastination will prevent you from getting important things done. Have you ever found yourself in any of these situations?

As I think about the experience with Estella the bully, some things I learnt that can be applied when dealing with the enemy are:

1. Know who you are: - Though I was smallish, I knew I had something Estella did not have, which gave me an edge over her. When dealing with the enemy you need to understand that you are a child of God through faith in Christ Jesus [Galatians 3:26]. The DNA of God is in you.

2. Know that the enemy no longer has power or authority over you: - The authority that was originally given to man in the beginning, and was taken when man sinned, has been restored by what Jesus did on the cross. Jesus stripped the rulers and authorities of their power, and made a public spectacle of them as He celebrated His victory ... [Colossians 2:15, GWT].

3. Words have power to cause change: - When dealing with the enemy, the words that matter are the words of God. The Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, is our offensive weapon [Ephesians 6:17b, Isaiah 49:2]. The word of God is powerful and effective at driving away the enemy and destroying his work.

While this is not an exhaustive list, simply understand the enemy has no power or authority over you. You can overcome him and his ways because of who you are in Christ Jesus.

By the way, though I am still slim, I have added some height and body parts *wink* that would make one think twice before calling me those names I used to be called before.

Remain Blessed...

The Story Changer

Current pondering: I know I am much loved because I was forgiven much.

God is Awesome

As we walked towards the car after evening service, I saw her some distance away walking beside a young, handsome man. I had not seen her in 2 years. She looked a bit younger and more beautiful than I remembered her. She was dressed in a beautiful gown. I had never seen her dress so simply though her beauty still could not hide. She caught my eyes with a smile. I waved though wondering,"what is she doing in church? During mid week service for that matter?"

"Who's she?" Mr. Rita asked, noticing my hesitance to enter the car.

"She is..." I started but I had to go down memory lane...

I remember the first time I saw her. She was to give me my employment letter. "What beauty!" I exclaimed the moment I laid my eyes on her. Dresses in tight jeans and well tucked in T.M. shirt, her curves and natural endowments were accentuated. She towered over me with the help of her 5" stilettos. I had never seen such beauty in what seemed to be a woman of 35. She had smooth, spotless, light-complexioned skin.

I later learnt she was single and she selected the best of men - high-profiled married men. She had a top shot (everyone knew except his wife) who couldn't stay home whenever he knew she was around. We gossipped about her because her gist was sweet. It was even said that she had nothing in her head but was promoted based on bedroom connections. When top shot left, she was among those down-sized. Most ladies, who felt she took their positions, rejoiced.

As Mr. Rita asked the question, I wanted to give him full details of her history. But something stopped me. I heard a voice say clearly, "She is not that person you once knew. She is a new person. Everything you knew about her has passed away. She now has a new story".

I glanced at her - a beautiful smile lit her face. She looked younger and relaxed. There seemed to be something softer about her. She still had her coquettish gestures as she talked with the single guy by her side but I believe she was using her skills appropriately. I knew something about her had changed - I could feel it but could not place it. I don't know if you have experienced seeing a physical change in someone you once knew was in the world. Only God could have done it. God is wonderful!

"...She is a former colleague," I finally replied Mr. Rita. "One thing I learnt from her was to always make photocopies of every document I have. She once told me that I'll never know when I'll need them." Then we began our journey home and moved on to other subjects.

This experience made me realize that no matter where you've been, what you've done, and no matter where you are coming from, God can change your story for better - if you let Him. He is full of grace and mercy. His forgiveness is complete. He can take you to that point such that when you go down memory lane you will say "Father, is this how much you love me that you saved me from destruction?" I say this so often because I know what He has saved me from and forgiven me of.

May God continue to work in our hearts and in our lives, moulding us into the people He has called us to be and leading us on the path that is His will for us. May we never fall short of fulfilling His purpose for which He created us for. May our stories with Him be testimonies and encouragement to the lives of those who hear/read them. Amen.

Remain blessed.

To you who I am writing about, may God grant you all your heart's desires and make you fulfilled in every area of your life. IJN, Amen.

Daddy And My Relationship With God

I was wondering if our relationship with our earthly fathers has any correlation with our relationship with our Heavenly Father? Does a person who desperately needed the love of a father receive God with so much hunger on knowing how loving God is? Does one who understands the love of a father find it easy to understand the love of God? Or does one who has had it rough with their earthly father find it difficult to embrace God for who He is?

I have mused over such thoughts for some years now. When I mentioned to a mentor that I might carry out a study on this, in her wisdom, she advised me not to because the results may just not correlate the way I want to. But this morning, as I pondered over the revelation that God is a prayer-hearing and answering God, I had to reflect on my relationship with my late father and why it took me so long to understand that God is one who hears and answers prayers.

Asking Daddy for anything, including basic necessities, was a task to first overcome fear and prepare my heart for disappointments. I had to check if I had been good in the past week - making me worthy of the request. If I had passed my exams very well, I would not only make requests for myself, but take that of my sisters, to kill 6 birds with one stone. His initial reply was either "No" or "Ask your mother" or "Bring it up later". Eventually he would do it, but the "No" and "Later" was always to painful to bear. I believed all fathers were like that.

As I got older and met other fathers, especially my father-in-law, I realized not all father's were like Daddy. Please understand, my Daddy was a very good man, very jovial, had lots of friends, very intelligent, and I love him. I am only using a part of him for this post. Every time I read the contribution to "From The Heart Of  A Loving Father" by a friend whom I know is very close to her father, I say, "this lady truly understands the love of a father". When Mr. Rita prays, he has this confidence that what he has asked for, he will get. He does not need to remind God or even beg for it. Why not, when every time he asked his father for anything, he did not get "No" or "remind me later".

So you can imagine that a part of me believed whenever I asked God for something for myself His response was "No", "Not Now", "Ask again". (I had no doubt that if I prayed for someone else, He will answer). It was always a surprise when He answered my prayers on time and exceeded my expectations. Today I finally knew why - He is a Prayer hearing and answering God. He even hears the prayers of the sinner, for when I had not accepted Jesus into my life, God had answered my prayers. He is the God who changes not. For ALL the Promises of God in Him [Christ Jesus] are Yea, and in Him Amen, unto the Glory of God by us.

From today henceforth, as I come to Him, I come with the confidence that He hears and answers my prayers. What about you?  

Pardon My Shortsightedness

Driving on the busy Lekki-epe expressway at different times of the day, and different days of the week, has given me so much experience that I claim to know the fastest lanes to get to my destination. The person who suffers for this my arrogance on the knowledge of the road is Mr. Rita. When he is the one driving, all he hears is "on this side, stay in the middle lane" or "keep to your right at this part, everyone else is struggling for the left" or "keep to your left today, the bus drivers will be on the right this morning and they will make your journey longer". That's just to mention a few. Like 99% of men, he will just ignore me and do what he thinks is best, which ends up being the right decision. I still have not learnt.

One fateful morning, when we left home late, I had to apply my make-up in the car while he was driving. I wear glasses - I do not see far without them. To apply the cosmetics, I had to remove my glasses. Everything in front of me became blurred. I could not see clearly the lanes, the cars or any other thing around us. This meant I could not instruct Mr. Rita on which lane to choose. I was unsettled. In my mind I wondered, "will he take the shortest route this morning? will he know which lanes to avoid? Will we get late to work this morning leaving me with no parking space?" This was one time when I had to trust his judgement completely. I also had to keep quiet and focus on what I needed to do at the moment-my make-up. Though difficult, I had to let go and relax. Surprisingly, we got to work on time and I got a parking space.

Most times in our walk with God, we want to see the end from where we are. Everything ahead seems blurred but we do not want blurred pictures. We could go as far as taking decisions into our own hands to fulfil what He has already promised us. You may be at a point in your life where you ask God "Why?" and you say "If only you can show me a glimpse of the end, I will be satisfied".

Beloved, without faith, it is impossible to please God. It is time to stop asking "why" or demanding signs. It is time to let Him be the driver. It is time to let go completely, stop telling Him how, and let Him. He knows the plans He has for you - plans to prosper you and bring you to an expected end. Not one word of His would fail - they will surely come to pass, so you can fasten your seatbelt, relax, and enjoy the ride with God, your Father, as your driver on this journey called life. The road ahead is only blurred from your point of view not His. He sees the end from the beginning. Trust Him completely.

Remain blessed.

How To Mend A Broken Ornament

Let me start by saying THANK YOU to all of you who nominated this blog as Best Religion Blog. Your support and encouragement has helped to keep me going, especially as in recent times I have not responded to comments on my blog or visited other blogs. It is my sincere prayer that God, through this blog, will encourage you in your walk with Him, and help you realize that He is with you and you are not alone. I also thank God for the transformation that has been taking place in my life through the blog and the people I have known through this medium.

This post starts with a story about my glass. I have this set of wine glasses. To me, they are very beautiful, very precious and because they are very delicate, I handle them with care. I also pride myself that I do not break things. But on this fateful day when I was washing one of them, after I had carefully washed it, I wanted to drain water out of it when it hit the sink. It was so light a touch but my dear delicate glass was shattered to pieces. *Sigh*. I wanted to mend it myself but alas I could not. Step 6 of How To Mend A Glass Ornament says "Do not attempt to repair ornaments shattered into many pieces." As I began to pick up the scattered pieces of glasses I heard "In a similar way, do not attempt to repair a broken heart yourself."

For anyone who has experienced heartbreak, you will agree with me that the word "heartbreak" is not a figure of speech. It is the way you feel when your heart has been broken. It is a feeling of the physical shattering that comes with the feeling of rejection, feeling of worthlessness or feeling of being alone. It is quite painful if you were left for someone else. If it has happened more than once, there could be a feeling of hopelessness and fear to ever enter another relationship.

This post is specific to someone who has been heartbroken. You are still hurting and holding feelings of unforgiveness. It may appear that you have moved on, maybe you are in a relationship or even married, but there is a part of your heart that still hurts when you remember what happened that you cannot let go. It may even be affecting your perception of people who say they love you genuinely. You may have tried to heal that pain with so many things - education, work and activities, more relationships, an addiction, etc. You may have even sworn never to forgive the person who hurt you.

Today, your loving Father wants you to know, "Do not attempt to repair a broken heart yourself". God knows where and how you hurt. He knows all that transpired. You are precious to Him. To allow Him to take you to the place He wants for you, you need to let Him heal you completely. He is the Lord, who heals you. He wants to heal you in a way that leaves no scars. He wants to give you a brand new heart. He understands very well delicacy and intricacy. He wants to take you into His arms, comfort you and show you real love. He wants you to enjoy fully the relationship He is preparing for you (or the one you are in). He does not want your prayers to be held back by unforgiveness.

If you are this person and you feel the need to let go, please say this prayer:

"Heavenly Father, I am sorry that I have tried to fix my pain my own way. I am sorry for the feelings of unforgiveness I have harboured. I surrender to You, Father. Give me a new heart. Make me whole again. I forgive the person who hurt me and let go of all negative thoughts towards that person. I receive Your healing touch and loving embrace. I take Your hand and walk with You into the future You have for me. Thank You Father, In Jesus Name, Amen."

If you want to share what you've been going through or you want someone to stand with you in agreement as you pray, please drop me an email at esurunma@gmail.com and I will speak with you when it is most convenient for you.

Remain Blessed.

The Shortcut

Several years ago...It had been six months since I finished University, awaiting NYSC, so all funds had been cut. After those seemingly long months of waiting on God for a financial breakthrough and it was not forthcoming, I sought to find a solution for myself. One Friday, I called a friend whom I knew was financially okay. I asked for some help. He agreed to give me some money but on the condition that we go out on a date. Sunday evening, I indulged him and he gave me N3000 (equivalent of about $20).

On Monday, I took my N2500 (now short by the transport money), full of excitement that my immediate problems of fixing my hair and my nails will be solved. I had to walk through my department in school, which was near the salon I was going to. To my greatest surprise, I received 2 pieces of information I was not expecting. The secretary in my department said she planned to call me that Monday for she received the information late on Friday.

The first was that a scholarship I had applied for in my second year, which I had lost hope that it will ever come through, had suddenly come through and I would be paid N50,000.

The second was a lecturer needed someone to help a company with a quick study. I accepted it knowing that it would take me only 2 days to do the work. In my mind, I valued the job as a N20,000 job and felt that with enough management, this could last me three more months. On acceptance, I was told that I would be paid N250,000 on completion of the study (of which I had to give a little part of the money with the lecturer that helped me get the job).

As I received those pieces of information, I took a seat, pondered and wept. I said “If only I had waited on God just 2 days, I would have known that He had already answered my prayers”. N3000 (which resulted in me devaluing myself) was nothing compared to what God had in store for me.

I am sharing this story specifically for someone who has been waiting on God for an answer. Now you are at that point where you want to take the “shortcut” – the alternative that seems to solve the immediate problem without considering the future implications. Your Loving Father is telling you to hold on. Do not underestimate what He can do. Do not create your own testimony. You have waited this long, though counting the times that has passed. Believe that God's grace is sufficient to take you further.

When Esau sold his birthright [Genesis 25:29-34], he was thinking of solving the immediate problem - his hunger. He was consumed by his situation that he did not understand what He was giving up.

Beloved, what may be someone else’s miracle may be your shortcut. You know that thing you desire, and hopefully those words of peace that God has spoken to you concerning that which you desire. In my case if only I had waited 2 days, I would have known God had already answered my prayers. He has already answered yours and I do not know how much longer you need to wait to see the physical manifestation of your answered prayer. But do not forget this one thing: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day. The Lord isn’t really being slow about His promise, as some people think [2 Peter 3:8-9]. What He has in store for you is worth the wait, for He is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that you can ask or think.

Have a blessed week ahead.

Related devotional on "From The Heart Of A Loving Father":

Remember Your Rights As A Child Of God.

I Testify Of God - God Is A Healer And He Is Faithful

Beloved EROLyrics Readers, today you will read the second installment of the Testimony Series (I Testify Of God). It is about the healing of a lady who was shot by armed robbers. Disclaimer:- There are parts of the post that went into details of the incident, so if you do not have the liver for it, you can stop reading now. If you get to read it, I hope you are blessed like I am with this testimony of God's awesomeness. If you have something to share, please feel free to drop me a message at esurunma@gmail.com.

Tell us a little bit about yourself

My name is Modupe…was born some thirty years ago…Grew up in Ibadan and had all my education there..then I got a job in Lagos after my youth service in 2004 and relocated there.

What is your testimony about?

I think its more like my testimonies, but I have singled this particular incident out because I sincerely hope that someone reading this will be touched by God’s amazing grace and be reminded that He is truly an ever present help in our time of need. I was shot by armed robbers and God miraculously kept me alive. 4 years and still counting…I have never been to the hospital for any complaint since then…He is indeed an Awesome God.

The year was 2006…a Wednesday in the month of June and it started off like any other day…Brings to the fore the fact that you never know the day your life will get transformed, I'm sure Joseph must have felt it was just another day before he got the call from pharaoh..

I finished work around 5pm and decided to visit the movies before going home….picked up a friend of mine from surulere and we drove to Victoria island to see a movie..left V/I around 8.30pm and started back home. Home then was in Satellite town with my uncle.

Drove from V/island back through Costain to drop my friend and started off home from there..

I could recall that on my way, I was listening to music and mentally arranging the rest of my week…aligning schedules with the days left etc. Then I noticed that some cars had turned back and were driving one –way…on recounting the incident later on, several listeners said if I had be a Lagos wise driver I would have got the signal and joined the train at the point.

Anyways, I didn’t, first because I wasn’t a lagos- wise girl and second because I didn’t know any alternative route home. So I continued until I realized that I couldn’t drive forward any longer because there was an ambush and armed robbers were doing their thing.

Here I was in my car watching them ransack the car just in front of me and I cant remember what was going through my mind but I was scared..and when one of the robbers came to my window at first, I refused to roll down my glass and stayed there in fear…then an unexpected thing happened, the robbers shot into the car in front of me and then I figured these weren’t just thieves..these were trigger happy people who intend to rob as well as kill..so I told myself that I needed to leave the spot…and I struggled to maneuver through the little space between my car and the one in front and make a turnaround to escape..then one of the tyres of my car veered off the tarred surface and I was convinced I could no longer make it…I stopped.

I stayed in my car and started to muttering “Jesus, please help me..please help me..”

I was praying …and I was stealing some glances at my window to check the robbers out…next thing I noticed one of them was removing something from his bag and and putting in his gun..In retrospect, I realized that it was the point when he placed a catridge bullet in his gun..

I was still saying Jesus please help me..when I heard the sound..it sounded faraway…..then I turned to look at my window and saw the robbers moving away..then it caught my eye…the flesh on my side was torn apart and I could see my pelvic bone..and blood was gushing..then it hit me..the sound wasn’t faraway..it was the sound of a gun on my car door and the bullet had pierced my skin apart…

I still don’t know where the strength to live came from..I guess its what we call” Grace”

I placed my feet on the pedal and pressed hard and my car moved…and I continued driving…driving until I saw people…and traffic..so I stopped and asked for help..and in the midst of the crowd I could help people saying "Don’t help her..she will die…see all the blood”…one man came to me and asked me to allow him to drive..Time now will be around 10pm…I moved to the other seat and he took over the wheels.

He drove straight to a police station, got the officer to come into the car and write the police report…while he was driving to the hospital…

We got to the hospital..meanwhile I had placed a call to my aunt and uncle to inform them that I had been shot..then I handed the phone to him so he could tell them where we were. The good Samaritan stayed till my uncle and aunt came and then handed over my personal effects and car keys to them.

Did I hear you say "He who watches over Israel neither sleeps nor slumbers…"?

Next day, I called the Chief Medical Adviser in my office and was transferred to another hospital where I had access to specialists.

The surgeon called was an Orthopaedic surgeon, because of the assumption that maybe my bone had been affected, then I went for xrays and the result showed that bone was brushed but not broken…but I still had to be taken to the theatre..

So I went for the surgery around 4pm the next day…Family members and friends had gathered round for the usual support..

Went in with the promise that surgery should be over in 3hrs..I later learnt that I was in for about 7hours..Midday through the surgery, they suspected that my intestines have been damaged and sent for an abdominal surgeon who insisted that I required a laparotomy, this I later discovered is a procedure whereby the surgeons cuts you open without having a clear idea of what may be wrong with you.

Well, they discovered I had multiple perforations in my small and large intestines and a colostomy procedure had to be done. Thats a procedure that requires them to put some part of my intestine on the surface so that I won't have to go to the toilet normally but will be using a bag on the surface instead..

Well, to cut a long story short, I spent three months in the hospital and had three surgeries…went through pain that cannot be described nor defined …but I survived just because of one simple truth.

GOD IS A HEALER AND HE IS FAITHFUL

I needed to write this now to tell someone out there, that God is faithful.  You may have to go through the valley experiences every now and then, because it’s the way of the world we live in..but those experiences just serve to show God in a brighter, more evident light.

He is faithful that promised and He has said He will never leave us nor forsake us. These words I know for myself. Do take this word from the mouth of someone who has been in very dark place once, a place where I wasn’t sure of what the next second will bring, a place where often times I long for death because it seemed like a more preferable option to pain..

I spent three months on the hospital bed and I can honestly tell you that it was like passing through fire, but more importantly I can add that God sits as a purifier…and He will never let you have more than you can bear.

Go on…cry atimes…scream if it makes you feel better…Give Him a chair and insist on a dialogue..but never stop trusting Him…Never stop lighting up the flame of your faith. He will deliver you in His perfect time.

Hmmm...tears are rolling down my eyes and I can see the applicability of your encouraging words in my life. Please share with us what you learnt from this experience.

I learnt the following:

1. God is a deliverer..an ever present help in the time of need...

2. God gives an amazing amount of grace when we reach out to Him in trying times...

3. It is good to be a true friend or family to someone, because you will never know the value of friendship or family as much as when you are in your dark place...

4. Pain doesn't kill and sometimes we have to go through some unpleasant stuff in life..but as long as we don't get killed by it, we will be better off and live to tell the testimonies...

5. Friends and Family were awesome and they made a terrible time, bearable...

Modupe, I am sure that your being alive today is not by chance or by mistake. God has a special purpose for you and by His grace, you will fulfill it. May you continue to have testimonies all the days of your life. Thank you for sharing this testimony.