Beloved EROLyrics Readers,
Hope you have started experiencing the blessedness of the week. Covenant grace and peace be to you in the name of Jesus our Lord and Savior, who reigns forevermore.
Today’s question on the Infant Steps Series comes from a lady who has kept herself yet feels a bit discouraged. I personally was glad and impressed to know we still have ladies like this, and I have spent time talking to her (but I don't know if it helped). Please read her question below. I trust you will have encouraging responses to share. Thank you.
I grew up with parents, relatives and neighbors constantly teaching me how to live like a good Christian girl and keeping a close watch on me and constantly drumming into me that pre-marital sex is a sacrilege. I had all my education close to home so there wasn't much opportunity to live a wayward life and eventually, when I started living alone, I had come to believe that pre-marital sex was such a horrible sin that try as much as I wanted, I couldn't live otherwise. I am a very jovial and outgoing person but very principled, thanks to all those teachings.
Now, I am 26, have a good career but I have not been able to bring myself to love anyone because, the first time I meet any man, the first thing that comes to my mind is that he wants to sleep with me and then my Christian morals come screaming and then, the barricade unconsciously comes up and I eventually chase the man away. I have only been able to have one unsuccessful relationship and it was unsuccessful because I was too scared to love him for fear that it would make me go easy on my principles and lead to sex with him. I have tried severally recently to break that jinx and force myself to get past that level sexually but I always feel horribly guilty every time I try to have any form of sexual dealing with a man.
Now when I look back at my school years, I feel like I lost out on a youthful part of my life, the times I could have done all the crazy things possible and really caught my fun because eventually I would have come back to God. At times, I catch myself wishing I could re-live those years, do all the crazy things and then, ask God for forgiveness and get born-again. I know it is a horrible thing to say and it sounds like I’m taking God’s mercy for granted but I’m being very honest with you, that’s the way I feel cos all my supposed goodness have not paid off in any way. My friends that were the “bad ones” in school then and did all the crazies are having a wonderful time in their lives both with wonderful careers and the best of husbands. I still have not been able to love anyone; I still have not found the knight in shining armor that was supposed to sweep me off my feet once I “kept” myself. I feel like I have been cheated out of life. Now I fear that I might end up marrying a man that would not even appreciate the fact that I “kept” myself because it is now all so old fashioned.
The only reason I am still holding on is because there is an adage in my place that says that you don’t learn to use your left hand in old age, I would look stupid now at this time in my life if I try to start doing all the things I missed out on in School, dating different men and all that but that is the way I feel; cheated out of some grand fun!
My question is: What happens when you have tried to live right, by the books, according to all the instructions and yet nothing good is coming your way while every other person that has supposedly led a “not so good” life has it all going for them?
If you have any questions you would like to discuss on the Infant Steps Series, please drop me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or leave the question as a comment in any of my blog posts.
If you want to view past questions and answers on the Infant Steps Series, please check the list on the sidebar right of the blog.
All posts on the Infant Steps Series will be posted on Tuesdays, 9 AM West Africa Time.